Game of Thrones- Mockingbird (I want a Moon Door!!!)

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Written by Ryan Fu @fu_beatz

Petyr Baelish aka Littlefinger is played wonderfully by Aidan Gillen of Game of Thrones. I have said this in past articles that Littlefinger is one of my favorite characters on the show. I can see so much of myself in Littlefinger’s character; for example, we are both trying to climb the ladder of success and are willing to do what it takes to accomplish our goals. We both believe in protecting our friends and family in which Petyr takes this to heart in this episode as we see the Pros and Cons of owning a “Moon Door.” Don’t get me wrong I think a Moon Door is cool. You can do a million things with it like throwing your trash away in a moments notice or just taking a piss whenever you feel like it. But eventually, you would fall to your doom by accident or by a guy, who you thought loved you but really only loved your sister.

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This week episode starts with Tyrion’s situation as he has tries to find his champion after calling for a Trial by Combat, which by the way I think we should bring back in our legal system. I think I could have avoided a couple of speed tickets if I could have only jousted a couple of traffic officers. Jaime Lannister tells his brother he can’t defend him because he has a right hand sword. (Please re-read or watch past shows because there is joke in there) So, Tyrion tells his brother to find Bronn his Sellssword.

To be perfectly honest I think I would have been a Sellsword in this universe because I like combat and fast cash but I also think I could have been a male whore…because I like combat and fast cash. (If you’re not laughing yet, you need to drink up because the rest of this review is shit.)

So, Bronn shows up not to aid Tyrion but to tell him that he is going to get married so he can’t fight for him anymore. Unless, Tyrion can find him a better deal in which he can’t because let’s face it the Seven Kingdoms had a worse health insurance coverage then we do now. (Thanks Obama) So, Bronn tells Tyrion that he’s sorry but he had a great time killing and getting drunk with him.

“When have you ever risked your life for me? I like you but I like myself more.”   Tyrion responds, “I have to kill the Mountain myself.”

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Holy Fuck this guy is huge! He is literally a mountain.

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Sir Gregor Clegane will be the one fighting in the Trail by Combat with Tyrion with the help of Cersei. Seeing this “Mountain of Men” easily disembowel regular size men made me feel horrible for Tyrion but finally a Prince comes to the rescue to Tyrion. Prince Oberyn, The Red Viper, tells Tyrion he wants justice and vengeance for Tyrion and himself. He tells Tyrion that he will be his Champion in the Trail on Combat and take his revenge on Sir Gregor. I can’t wait for this bloody battle to begin, hoping it’s like Medieval Times Theater, a combination of dinner and death!

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A couple more Titty-bits about the episode before we get to LittleFinger’s “I believe I can Fly” video montage. The Hound and Arya get to really know one and another as they sorta kinda help a dying man get dead then get attacked by other men who don’t believe in bathing. The Hound shows Arya where a Man’s heart is so she can kill him faster. I always thought a Man’s heart was through his stomach, slowing killing with high blood pressure. (Seriously, it doesn’t get better after this)

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Jon Snow is still crying a little baby to the masters of Castle Black about the upcoming attack from the wildings. Let’s face who would take advice from a bastard. Is it just me or am I not the only one that wants to see a reunion with Snow and the beautiful Ygritte. I feel like it’s doing to be scene from Buffy the Vampire Slayer where, Buffy wants to fall in love with Angel but they can’t because she has to kill him. (Shut up! You watched the show)

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Daenerys Targaryen gets a brand new sex man-slave in Daario but she still doesn’t trust him will all the goodies but just enough of the nookie. The ultimate tag team of Brienne and Podrick are starting to get somewhere in the search for the Stark girls as they get a clue from the smaller version of Bob’s Big Boy as they continue their adventure.

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I just might be a sick bastard but don’t these two make a cute couple? Let’s face Podrick is not good with steel but he is a master with his sword and I think he slay the Lady of Tarth, a slice of humble pie with his sword play. (Of course, I’m talking about his penis; seriously it doesn’t get any better from here)

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Finally, we get to the best part of the episode where we see Sansa Stark trying to recreate Winterfell but once again gets crushed by reality. As I was beginning to think we would never see incest again, George R.R. Martin comes to the rescue as creepy “Uncle Petyr” kisses Sansa in front of the Lysa Arryn. Aunt Lysa gets all Real Housewives of Atlanta on Sansa, threatening to throw her of the Moon Door but Uncle Creepy comes to her rescue in which he grabs his own wife, Lysa telling her everything is going to be all right but also telling her that he only loved one person, which was her sister.

I was like Damn Gina!

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He then throws her off her own goddamn Moon Door. I think this is good time to use the word Irony. Littlefinger is the man but a little crazy but then again Sansa is kinda hot so maybe I would have thrown my own wife thru a Moon Door for a hotter piece of ass. Moral of the story Moon Doors are cool but they need a safety net like pools for babies or jealous wives because God knows I would throw all my crazy shit into the abyss. It’s Memorial Weekend next week, so G.O.T. won’t be back until two weeks from now but you can always revisit the episodes by re-reading our articles in this season of Game of Thrones and we promise you it won’t give you high blood pressure, maybe cancer though…

Please check out our other G.O.T Articles

Two Swords (My Little Pony)

The Lion & The Rose (Ding Dong the Evil King is Dead)

Breaker of Chains (I do it for the Nookie)

Oathkeeper (King of the white Walkers)

First in his Name (Arya’s Death Pool)

THE LAWS OF GODS AND MEN (DON’T PUSH ME)

 

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Game of Thrones – The Laws of Gods and Men (Don’t Push Me)

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Written by Ryan Fu @fu_beatz

Peter Hayden Dinklage is an American actor. Since his breakout role in The Station Agent (2003), he has appeared in films such as Elf (2003), Find Me Guilty (2006), Underdog (2007), the British film Death at a Funeral (2007) and its American remake of the same name (2010), The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008), A Little Bit of Heaven (2011), Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012), and Knights of Badassdom (2013). Since 2011, he has played Tyrion Lannister in the HBO series Game of Thrones, which earned him the Emmy and the Golden Globe Award for Supporting Actor in 2011. Peter is such a fine actor and in this week’s episode he once again shows us why he should get another nomination because he killed it in this episode.

Please check out our other G.O.T Articles

Two Swords (My Little Pony)

The Lion & The Rose (Ding Dong the Evil King is Dead)

Breaker of Chains (I do it for the Nookie)

 

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But before we get to Tyrion’s most epic speech, we should talk about what else happened in the episode. Stannis and Davos go to the Iron Bank of Braavos is a bank in the Free City of Braavos get funding for Stannis army. Naturally, the Iron Bank respectively declines Stannis request because the numbers don’t add up. I thought it was funny that back in the day they still ran your credit. So, his main man Davos had to stick up for the rightful king of the throne and demand that the Iron Bank help Stannis, which they do but I’m just wondering what the interest rate would be to take over a kingdom?

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Theon Greyjoy. Poor, poor Theon. I know I’ve said this in the past but can someone just put him out of his misery. Every episode I watch with a scene of Theon, I think this can’t get any worse, but it does. His bold sister, Yara, in which I might have a crush on only because she seems to be the only Ironborn female in the country (I like them rugged) has the courage to free her brother. But when she gets there, she does not find her brother but a thing that used to be her brother as she leaves without her brother saying to her troops that her brother is dead. Ramsay Snow is so pleased with his pet Theon aka Reek, he gives him a bath and I finds out how much he loves his master by devising a plan to go to Castle Black.

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Speaking of masters, Daenerys Targaryen is looking quite confident in her new role of the Queen of the free slaves. She has shown her mean streak but now she is showing her softer side but giving mercy and comfort to her people. I wonder how long this nicer version of the “Mother of Dragons” is going to last because these dragons are getting bigger!

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Now we can get down to the nitty–gritty of this week’s episode, which was the trial of Tyrion Lannister. His brother Jaime aka the Kingslayer brings him to the hall where oddly enough someone in the audience screams out,

“Kingslayer” not to Jaime but to Tyrion. I thought that was a dramatic role reversal.

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They council brings up witness after witness showing evidence that Tyrion Lannister is guilty of killing Joffrey. They take a short break which Jaime makes this his opportunity to try to save his brother in which he does momentarily as Tywin Lannister offers him to save his brother if he quits the Kingsguard and becomes next in line to the throne. Jaime agrees and tells his brother to just comply and fess up to his false crimes.

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It seemed like for a second that Tyrion was about to take his advice but they finally pushed a motherfucker to the edge. As the council brought out his one true love, Shae, which she dropped the bomb on him and the court, telling the council that it was the plan of Tyrion along with his wife to poison the king.

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As Grandmaster Flash would say,

“Don’t push me because I’m close to the edge. I’m trying not to lose my head.”

That was the last country-ass straw that broke that Humpday Camel’s back! Tyrion loses his shit!

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“I wish to confess. I confess. I saved you, all of you. I saved this city. All of your worthless minds. I should have let Stannis kill all of you.

I confess that I am guilty of being a dwarf but I am not guilty of killing the king.

I will let the Gods judge my fate… I want a trial by combat. “

Boom!

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You might as well hand out that Golden Globe and the rest of the awards to Peter because he fucking “Kingslayed” that scene and other every scene this season. This is just other reason why Game of Thrones is one of the best shows on television because of all the great story lines and the great actors/actresses who play these awesome characters making this show a must watch every Sunday night. I’m just a fan like you but I have not read the books so I don’t know what’s going to happen next but I eagerly wait what’s going to happen next in the Seven Kingdoms.

Games of Thrones: Breaker of Chains (I do it for the Nookie!)

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Written By: Ryan Fu @fu_beatz

First off, I have to tell you that I am writing this article sober so the bullshit might not be up to standard to what you are used to but I’m pretty sure you’ll feel disappointed and won’t learn nothin from it after reading it. This week’s episode is called Breaker of Chains, which is the perfect title because everyone in this episode is breaking away from their masters expect for Cersei she kinda gets rapped a bit. But before I get to the incest, I just want to say I will miss King Joffrey, the little prick. He deserved to die and probably should have died horribly the way he did by poison. But kings fall all the time and new kings have to rise. Long live the new king, King Tommen Baratheon.

Please read our other G.O.T articles:

Two Swords (My Little Pony)

The Lion & The Rose (Ding Dong the Evil King is Dead)

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The episode opens up with the former King’s Fool leading Sansa Stark away from Kings Landing into the hands of Littlefinger. Petyr Baelish tells her that she is safe and that it was all his idea. A natural businessman and a gangsta, he kills the Fool immediately, killing all ties with him. He tells Sansa that everyone in the kingdom are a bunch of liars and she should trust him. I am not sure that Sansa should trust, an owner of a whorehouse. Don’t get me wrong, Littlefinger is one of my favorite characters on the show but I would never turn my back on him. If the man’s motto is life is only a ladder that you climb, he is willing to step over anyone to get to the top.

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Everyone in the kingdom is dealing with the king’s death which Cersei Lannister with her other son, Tommen Baratheon, is at the side of the fallen king. Tywin Lannister shows no sympathy for his fallen king and sees an opportunity to groom the new king. I got to hand it to “the Hand of the King”, he takes his job seriously. Tywin is willing to do anything to make sure that his family stays on top. He even offers an alliance with Prince Oberyn in order for more men at his side because Tywin knows that there more people than ever that want the crown and he knows that there are going to be many more battles ahead.

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Meanwhile, Cersei still morns for her once king and son. Jaime Lannister tries to comfort her but all he wants is the “nookie.” Cersei tells Jaime to kill Tyrion, his own brother. But Jaime is not listening because all he is thinking about is her lovely lady lumps. Jaime takes her and forces himself on to her in front of their fallen king and dead family member. In the beginning, I would have been shocked to see someone get raped in front of a dead family member but it has gotten to a point in G.O.T., you really have to shock the shit out of me to get a reaction. Don’t get me wrong the rape scene was still fucked up, but you gotta give more Mr. Martin!

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While the incest is going on, Podrick visits his master Tyrion Lannister in the dungeons. Podrick tells him that there is going to be a trial and that Sansa can’t be found. Pod also tells him that someone offered him to take sides against Tyrion, but he turned it down. Tyrion knows that Podrick could be in danger if he doesn’t help in the trial so he pulls another Beethoven and treats Pod like he treated Shae, telling him to leave him and the kingdom immediately. I certainly hope it wasn’t that last time we see Pod and Tyrion again because I thought they made a good Batman and Robin.

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There was other shit going on in the episode like Stannis Baratheon knows that the king is dead and wants to take the throne. Davos got a brain fart and might have an idea on how to achieve that for Stannis. The Hound and Arya Stark play father and daughter in order to get food and shelter. The Hound gets an offer to help a farmer, which he accepts then turns around and steals all the farmer’s money. Arya is pissed why he did it but the Hound just gives her valuable life lessons.

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You have to be strong in this universe or you be pushed aside and be forgotten. The wildings are getting closer and closer to Black Gate and we get closer and closer to see the lovers reunited once again. But the wildings are not the only bunch knocking on someone’s door.

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The very hot and sexy, Mother of the Dragons, Daenerys Targaryen finally makes it to the city of slaves, Meereen. But once there, the people of Meereen mock her and even send out their finest warrior to challenge her. But like the rest of the cities she sacked and turned, she destroys all challengers. She gives another Gladiator speech to the slaves of Meereen to break away their chains and kill their master. Frankly, I would do that if I saw three dragons and an army at the door, plus I would be free protected by a hot blonde. Daenerys played by the beautiful Emilia Clarke, it is no wonder that people are willing to do anything for her and follow her to the ends of the world. I would give my left toe for one night for the Mother of Dragons. I would do it all for the Nookie!

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So, this was my sober review of G.O.T., I hoped to like it. (I really don’t care if you liked or not) Hopefully, next review I should be nice and drunk, but today was 420 and got too high to remember to get drunk. Oh well, at least that little bastard Joffrey is in Hell!!! Long live whatever that other little bastard’s name is!!!

5 Reasons- Why to Watch Silicon Valley on HBO

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 WRITTEN BY: RYAN FU @FU_BEATZ

Silicon Valley is an American sitcom that centers on six programmers who are living together and trying to make it big in Silicon Valley.The series premiered April 6, 2014, on HBO.The first season will consist of eight episodes.

After Mike Judge graduated from UCSD with a degree in physics, his first job was as a programmer working on the F-18 fighter. In 1987 he moved to the Silicon Valley region of Northern California and joined Parallax, a startupvideo card company with about 40 employees. Disliking the company’s culture and his colleagues (“The people I met were like Stepford Wives. They were true believers in something, and I don’t know what it was”), Judge quit after less than three months, but the experience gave him the background to later create a show about the region’s people and companies.

I got to watch the first episode of Silicon Valley last Sunday night in which I was quite impressed by the shows writing and the strong performances by the cast. I think it is a great addition to an already strong lineup for HBO, which includes Game of Thrones and VEEP.

Please check out are link to our Game of Thrones Review:

Game of Thrones: Two Swords (My Little Pony) 

Here are my Top Five Reasons you should watch Silicon Valley:

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5Fucking Nerds!!! I love smart but socially awkward people, it just makes for funny television. Silicon Valley is like the uncool version of the movie Social Network but that’s why it is so funny! It’s about a group of guys who live mediocre lives, who are trying to make it in the big leagues. Plus, I love computer jargon like H.T.M.L, Codec, compression, and binary numbers because it gives me “Nerd Wood”. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a bit of a nerd or geek when it comes to anything towards computers. Also, like all nerd groups that came before them, they are so lovable and you want them to succeed. This leads me to the next reason…

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4– Silicon Valley inspires you to want to achieve in anything in life or become something great. To watch people, who could be honestly our own friends trying to make it big, is very inspiring. It makes you reevaluate your own life in order to become more successful. You can tell someone how to become successful but when the person actually sees how it can be done, they are better motivated to achieve it. Visualization. This leads me to the next reason why most men want to be successful: Hot Chicks.

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3 – The very cute and sexy Monica, played by Amanda Crew, she was the chick in that sex romp, teen movie called Sex Drive, which wasn’t that bad mainly because Amanda was so smoking hot in the movie. This is a great reason to watch Silicon Valley, so you can watch the sexy but very smart Amanda Crew walking around in tight outfits trying to help out these young men succeed in their innovation.

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2– I’m pretty sure you guys are well aware that most people in Silicon Valley are highly intelligent and self-educated. They can work in the top tech firms in the country. But it takes a lot of balls to go decide to not work of anyone and be your own boss. To create something that is yours and make it highly valuable to a point where companies want to buy you out, but you won’t because this is your baby. You want to build it yourself and see it through. This show is about opportunity and the endless possibilities if you just believe in yourself. Which leads me to the number one reason to watch the show: T.J. Miller.

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1– T.J. Miller plays Erlich, owner of the “incubator” where the rest of the group work on their projects. He plays a very confident character where he also mentors other people on how to successful like him. He tries so hard to be cool with the rest of the dudes it just comes off as funny. T.J. is a hilarious stand up comedian and he is hysterical on the show.

“This is Silicon Valley, not…[pauses to search on an iPad]…Paris, Texas. That’s where Campbell’s Soup is.”

Check out Silicon Valley every Sunday night on HBO.

What is Dead May Never Die… Game of Thrones is Back Tonight!!!!

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