Unicorn Frappuccino – Will you try it?

7

The Foods Around Me

Probably the worst tasting Starbucks drink ever to be created. Literally tastes like a unicorn went to chipotle and shit in a cup.

Unicorn Frappucino:

An instant star of social media platforms, it’s literally on all of them check. Starbucks released this limited time drink in all stores this week. Being completely different than all other drink releases the description on the drink is absolutely terrible.

The Starbucks description reads:

“The flavor-changing, color-changing, totally-not-made-up Unicorn Frappuccino. Magical flavors start off sweet and fruity transforming to pleasantly sour. Swirl it to reveal a color-changing spectacle of purple and pink. It’s finished with whipped cream sprinkled pink and blue fairy powders.”

How it should be described:

This drink misses its mark on all levels. The sweetness completely overpowers the flavors of the drink. Its sourness is a blue raspberry that takes away from the mango syrup. The consistency doesn’t help the uniqueness in flavor. It has a…

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Women Crush Wednesday (Throwback) – Lindsay Lohan “Smoke Break” by Ryan Fu

It was another hectic car chase with Lindsay today following her from her mandatory community service at the Red Cross. I always thought chasing someone on the streets was already crazy but successful following someone on the freeway took skills and balls. Especially when Lindsay was behind the wheel pretending it was the Indy 500 trying to get away from us. She wanted to stay out of the public eye because of the recent bad press about her rock star lifestyle. Of course, the media blew it out proportion calling her a troubled lost young adult, not resembling her younger former self. In any case, she didn’t give up all day long which seemed like she wasn’t going to give it up without a fight. 

We were determined to get a shot of her because everyone wanted to know what she was up to and everyone loves a fall from grace story. We carefully navigate our cars in and out of traffic, amazingly not causing any traffic accidents. She thankfully gets off the freeway heading towards Hollywood. We all prepare ourselves for her landing, telling my partner in the other car to get ready. She drives into a residential neighborhood, finally stopping at her assistant’s house. 

We quickly park our rides right in the middle of street blocking incoming traffic. We try to shoot her as soon as she gets out of her car but she puts her jacket over her head running towards the house as we try to get any kind of angle of her face but failing miserably. We then make the cardinal sin by getting on her property but I noticed what we were going and I stopped myself but unfortunately it didn’t stop the others from trying to take pictures of her. Looking at other paps not give a fuck about her private space as they walk all over the assistants Rose garden, shooting her right on her doorstep as she walks in to get away from the savages. 

Most of the paps decide to leave because they all felt like she wasn’t going out anymore because we acted like such animals towards her on the way in. My partner and I were the only ones to stay behind because we didn’t great shots of her going in. We quietly stayed inside of our cars hoping that she would step out again trying to get something for all our hard work today. An hour passes by as I start becoming claustrophobic inside of my own car.

I had to step outside, lighting up a fag. My partner had the same brilliant idea joining me outside as we smoked right in front of Lindsay’s house. As we were trying to relax we hear a faint call in the distance. It was Lindsay asking for a match.

We turn around looking at Lindsay walk towards us as we both don’t react to what was happening. She casually walks up towards us asking for a light again as my partner finally gives her a lighter. There was a bit of awkward silence for a couple of minutes as you would imagine as we both look at Lilo both of us thinking, why the hell we are not shooting the shit out her. She breaks the uncomfortable silence by talking about the weather as we respond with one word answers still in shock to what was going on. We were in the Twilight Show where she was a normal person and we weren’t scumbag paparazzis trying to get a photo.

We were just normal people sharing a metaphorical fire together using the bond of lung cancer. Looking at her carefully smoking her cigarette, she didn’t look like a troubled or lost person. She looked like any another young woman trying to get her shit together but with the add pressure of media. If we were in her shoes we wouldn’t probably handle it as well as she did. She finished her last puff saying it was great talking to us even though we only said a couple of words. It was nice to see we could be normal people if only for a couple of minutes. 

She walked back into her house as we walk back into our cars thinking about how amazing that interaction was between us and Lindsay. A couple of minutes later she came out with her assistant as we start shooting her again, walking towards her car pretending that we didn’t have an incredible bond we made just minutes ago.

But this is what it is, a symbiotic relationship between the hunted and the hunters, but always knowing we were all the same.

Just a bunch of people trying to make sense of this crazy ass world we are living in which all of us trying are best and hopefully we can stop cutting each other down, but let’s face it.

Haters are going to hate. It’s easy to say shit while you’re looking up from the bottom. I say “fuck em,” give them a reason to hate and just do you. Remember not everyone liked Jesus, but it didn’t stop him from being legendary.

RYAN FU

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Poetry Mondays – Cat’s Tongue by Ryan Fu

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man-at-oceansea

I stand across from you


in our tiny studio apartment

letting the silence fill up the space

as I wonder what happened to us.

We used to be inseparable,

but now we’re ghost, haunting each other

waiting on faith like Jack and Rose

onboard the Titanic.

I wonder if one our cats could talk,

what they would say?


They probably would say what we were

too scared to say.

That this is over.

There’s no going back.

You can’t put a Band Aid


in a gaping hole. 

So, I stand across from you


in our tiny studio apartment.

Between us an ocean of unhappiness


waiting for a life raft.

RYAN FU

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Cat’s Tongue by Ryan Fu

1

man-at-oceansea

I stand across from you


in our tiny studio apartment

letting the silence fill up the space

as I wonder what happened to us.

We used to be inseparable,

but now we’re ghost, haunting each other

waiting on faith like Jack and Rose

onboard the Titanic.

I wonder if one our cats could talk,

what they would say?


They probably would say what we were

too scared to say.

That this is over.

There’s no going back.

You can’t put a Band Aid


in a gaping hole. 

So, I stand across from you


in our tiny studio apartment.

Between us an ocean of unhappiness


waiting for a life raft.

RYAN FU

Unknown

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The King & I by Ryan Fu (RIP Michael Jackson)

1

Be Like Water

king-of-pop-MJ-michael-jackson-9688173-498-500

Driving around in L.A. I haven’t got anything good for the last couple of weeks wondering if I lost my touch. Then a call comes in and I know it’s a tip for a celebrity but this one was different. It was a tip for the Michael Jackson. I loose my shit and put the metal to the pedal, running through red lights definitely breaking a couple of traffic laws. I had to drive like a maniac because this wasn’t a regular celebrity I was about to shoot. This was King of Pop.

The media hasn’t seen him since his last court tribulations, so I wondered how this is going to turn out. I never thought I would shoot an icon like Michael but you get to do and meet interesting people when you do this profession. And yes, it is a profession. Even though a lot people would say…

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Frosted Balls by Ryan Fu (The Hated Ones)

Be Like Water

Powdered-Donuts-Closeup

It was over 100 degrees again today in Los Angeles, where the mere the thought of going outside caused you to sweat. It was so hot that it was inhumane to even work outside. So, Chuck and I decided to chill out at a friends pad to get out of the heat. 

“I love these low-calorie health bars,” Chuck says to me while unwrapping another energy bar.

“How many of those have you had?” Playing Call of Duty with my headset on. “BigDick90 I need you to secure the package, also watch out for snipers.”

“I’ve had like four, I’m going to lose weight in no time,” finishing another one.

“BigDaddy, I need you to throw a grenade in the building to clear out our path. BigDick watch our back while we go in.”

“I’m going to look great in my neon thong,” as Charles check outs his figure in…

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Unicorn by Ryan Fu (RIP Prince)

5

I was totally over it.

Standing in front of Kitson with the rest of the assholes waiting for Kim with her sisters to come out of the store so we could shoot them for the thousandth time this week. I was starting to hate the job, shooting basically the same people over and over again, feeling a bit burnt from the job. I needed to change it up or do something else because starting to lose my taste for the job. Kim along with her sisters come out of the store to the waiting flashes of photogs as we shoot her once again. I was starting to lose my mind, I needed a frappuccino to calm my nerves down. 

After the gangbang I decided to go to Starbucks at the Farmer’s Market near the Grove. I park my whip walking inside the market feeling a bit depressed about my current position in life. That’s when it happened, the event that sparked my interest once again for the job.

I spotted the myth, the legend, the artists that was formerly called Prince at the fruit section of the Farmer’s Market.

I know what you’re thinking no fucking way, but there he was looking at cantaloupes in his matching white bell bottom pants with a silk shirt and a Liberace ruffled jacket looking, so fresh and clean that dust didn’t want to touch him. His hair was also on point looking luxurious as always as he seemingly looked like he woke up like that because I couldn’t imagine Prince having bed head when he gets up in the morning. I don’t even think he needs sleep like the rest of us because he wasn’t human. He was something more, he was too special to be from this Earth.

But he was trying so hard to look normal that it looked strange as fuck. I’m guessing he was tired of being treated like an alien from a different planet. Like all super famous people they occasionally wanted to be treated like normal people even though they were very far from it with their extra ordinary talents. They wanted to do normal things without the prying eyes of the media chronicling and filming their every move.

But here we were the Prince and I, on very different sides of the entertainment field. My hand on my “Soul Catcher” about to capture this magical moment between us but I couldn’t pull the trigger, not because I couldn’t but because I didn’t want to. 

As he finally notices me about to shoot him as he stands perfectly still like beautiful unicorn in the magical forest waiting for me to do something, which was nothing.

I remember someone once said, “beautiful things don’t ask for attention.” 

We stand there not as cat and mouse but as equals. I didn’t want to capture this moment between Prince and I because wanted to be in the moment not wanting to share it with anyone. We stay in those precious moments for a couple more seconds then he disappears into the mundane leaving me baffled but amazed at the same time wondering what the fuck just happened. That was the first and last time I saw Prince but the desire for this job was back.

A part of me wanted to travel back time, not to tell myself to shoot it but to experience it again all over and maybe have the courage to act normal. To not stare at him like he was a freak but as a normal dude, doing normal ass things. Regardless of what I wanted to happen, I was still happy that it did happen because I needed to experience something different.

I needed to remember how to act like a normal human being again. As once again I had the fire in my belly to be a paparazzi again but more over I wanted to be inspired as I continue on this magical adventure called life trying to find another unicorn.


Prince Kicks Kim Kardashian Off Stage


Not long after that, a friend took me to see Prince at the famous Forum in Los Angeles, when he had a residency there for a couple of weeks. I knew that he was a talented musician but I wasn’t a true fan of his not until I witnessed what I saw that night. From beginning to end, Prince blew my mind along with everyone else in the building. This man played every instrument imaginable and never missed a beat as the huge crowd stood up longer than I’ve ever seen in a concert giving him a standing ovation, which was well-deserved because we were not seeing a concert, we were witnessing history. RIP Prince, you will be missed.

RYAN FU

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COACHELLA 2016!!! – What are your thoughts? Who’s your favorite band?

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Frosted Balls by Ryan Fu (The Hated Ones)

3

Powdered-Donuts-Closeup

It was over 100 degrees again today in Los Angeles, where the mere the thought of going outside caused you to sweat. It was so hot that it was inhumane to even work outside. So, Chuck and I decided to chill out at a friends pad to get out of the heat. 

“I love these low-calorie health bars,” Chuck says to me while unwrapping another energy bar.

“How many of those have you had?” Playing Call of Duty with my headset on. “BigDick90 I need you to secure the package, also watch out for snipers.”

“I’ve had like four, I’m going to lose weight in no time,” finishing another one.

“BigDaddy, I need you to throw a grenade in the building to clear out our path. BigDick watch our back while we go in.”

“I’m going to look great in my neon thong,” as Charles check outs his figure in the mirror.

“There’s our package, everybody get your head on swivel and go get it!” Screaming in my headset. “You know Chuck if you have too many of those you won’t lose weight because you’re still piling up the calories.”

“What?” Chuck grabs his gut looking confused.

“Fuck I’m dead. Damn it, BigDick! I told you to watch out for the snipers,” as I get a text for a tip. “We gotta go, I just a text for Brad Pitt.”

We leave our comfortable, air-conditioned friend’s pad into the sweltering heat, getting into my truck driving towards the tip.

“Fuck it’s hot out here,” driving on a heavily congested Santa Monica Blvd during lunch hour traffic.

“My balls are sweating so much, it’s a swamp down there,” Chuck tells me adjusting himself in the seat. “Where’s this fool at anyway?”

“He’s at a photo studio I think promoting his latest gig. Hopefully, we make it in time to shoot him,” as a carefully navigate in traffic.

We get to the spot, preparing ourselves but still staying in the car because we don’t want to get noticed because he’s not our biggest fan. I tell Chuck that he’s probably in his custom motorcycle. We both stay focus on the studio, where he was supposed to be in as the sun starts to beat on us.

“I knew I should have put baby powder on my balls today,” Chuck tells me wiping the sweat off his face. 

“What does that do?”

“It picks up all the sweat from your balls and asshole.”

“But how do you explain to your girlfriend about your powdered white-black dick. What do you say, you were fucking some powdered donuts?”

“Fuck, I’m hungry,” Chuck says to me grabbing his junk.

As we both are starting to lose hope, in the corner of my eye I see Brad down the street in his custom bike pulling out the driveway.

We’ve made a mistake on the location.

I start-up my truck trying to catch up to him but the traffic was horrendous as I weave in and out of traffic. I thought to myself we’re not going to catch up to him in my truck especially with this traffic. So, I tell Chuck to get ready to get out to shoot him when he stops a red light. But Chuck is a bit apprehensive about his athletic skill.

“Bro, you can do it,” telling Chuck making sure we don’t crash into cars.

“Motherfucker an hour ago you are calling me fat ass,” as Chuck makes sure he has the correct settings on the camera.

We manage to catch up to him on a busy street, but he easily gets away from us with the help of his bike. But he gets stuck behind a big rig with a red light ahead of it. I turn to Chuck, 

“Its time. Go get it!”

Chuck quickly jumps out of the truck, stumbling bit but regains his steps as he rumbles down the street looking like an NFL fullback. He looked a bit uncomfortable and awkward running as I begin to laugh in the truck. I lose visual on him for a bit then I see his bald black head pop up right on Brad beginning to blast him with his camera. In the car it kinda looked like Mr. Jolie was okay with it or maybe he was just so intrigued about this strange big black man sweating profusely in front of him shooting him with a camera.

The light turns green as Brad makes his getaway while I pull up to pick up Chuck. I turn the corner but he was already gone in the chaos of L.A. traffic. I pulled over checking on Chuck’s photos, which in my amazement he got him well, congratulating him a good job done.

“See bro, I knew you can do it,” handing back the camera to Chuck. “Let me buy you another low-fat energy bar.”

“Fuck that, let’s go to Korean BBQ. Stop at Rite Aid first so, I can pick up some Baby Powder for my balls,” Chuck tells me huffing and puffing on his sweat covered t-shirt. I agree as we head to grab an unhealthy lunch still stuck in traffic feeling like victorious men with powdered sweaty balls.

RYAN FU

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The King & I by Ryan Fu (Happy Birthday Michael Jackson)

3

king-of-pop-MJ-michael-jackson-9688173-498-500

Driving around in L.A. I haven’t got anything good for the last couple of weeks wondering if I lost my touch. Then a call comes in and I know it’s a tip for a celebrity but this one was different. It was a tip for the Michael Jackson. I loose my shit and put the metal to the pedal, running through red lights definitely breaking a couple of traffic laws. I had to drive like a maniac because this wasn’t a regular celebrity I was about to shoot. This was King of Pop.

The media hasn’t seen him since his last court tribulations, so I wondered how this is going to turn out. I never thought I would shoot an icon like Michael but you get to do and meet interesting people when you do this profession. And yes, it is a profession. Even though a lot people would say it’s not a real job but it is. It’s like any other job, you have to get up everyday and perform or you won’t succeed.

The tip for Michael was at the world famous street of Melrose Ave. He was supposed to be in a high-end unisex store with friends. I got the confirmation from my partner as he gets to the location. I pull up to the spot as I see my partner already in position, taking frames of the King as people start to gather in front of the store. I immediately park my truck in front of store and excitingly get ready to shoot the legend.

I push through the small crowd to my partner as he tells me he already got frames inside but he wants me to go short and flash on the exit. I get my mind and gear ready to meet the icon. The small crowd begins to move out of the way of the store then I see him with a stylish hat with big dark sunglass along with a green veil covering his face. I couldn’t actually see his face but I knew this was the guy with all the hits I listened to on the radio growing up.

I was in awe.

But I had a job to do, so I put my emotions to the side and move into position. I start firing off shots along with my partner. We get Jackson from every angle imaginable as the King starts to cover his face with his hands. I thought it was kinda odd that he didn’t have any bodyguards with him maybe because he wanted to feel normal. For a second, I felt sad that we were ruining that moment for him, but we had a job to do and we were going to accomplish it.

———————————————

We shot Michael all the way down the street but we still didn’t get a clear shot of his face so we had to continue on with job. But now there was a huge crowd of Michael Jackson fans surrounding him, even a group of black dudes that looked the black version of the Village People with their cowboy hats and leather chaps. I try to get closer to Mike but the Village People felt protective of the King, pushing my partner and I as one of the cowboys grabs my camera but that was expected because people love their celebrities. But what I didn’t expect is this huge megastar to help me out as the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, tells the cowboys to let go of my camera, telling everyone,

“Peace. Peace everyone,” shaking my hand.

The King spoke and we listened.

For a second we all stop and look at each other in amazement. Then circus continued as we shot Michael with the Village People all the way to his SUV. He gets into his car but before he leaves he graciously signs and greets all his fans. I stopped shooting looking at the man who was cool enough to stop for his fans, but in the corner of my eye I see my partner sneaking to the back of Michael’s SUV.

I knew was about to go down. My British partner was going to pull the “How’s you’re father” move on Mike. I had no control for what was about to go down as my partner races to the other side of the car while Michael was signing autographs for his fans. My partner opens the quickly opens the door and gets off a couple of frames, then the car pulls off. I see my partner putting his hands in victory, showing me we actually got a frame of his face. A wave of emotions come crushing towards me as I felt great that I got to shoot Michael and we actually got a clear shot of his face but on other side I felt sad that I ruined his day.

Maybe we didn’t ruin his day but we definitely affected it. Sorta like the way his songs affected all of us. Michael made us feel like we can be something more and achieve something greater. I didn’t feel great that I affected his day but it was amazing to meet him. I got a job to do, which sometimes it sucks but I have to do it because it’s my job. It definitely didn’t suck to day hang out with Michael Jackson. It wouldn’t be the last time I would run into the King of Pop.

RYAN FU

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