Are you really Sorry? – Reasons why people will Never Apologize


For non-apologists, saying “I’m sorry” carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:

  • Admissions of wrong doing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.
  • Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can open the door instead to shame. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes them feel bad about their selves—who they are—which makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.
  • While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.
  • Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability—if arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.

By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct. However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case), will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.

Credit: Psychology Today

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The Truth Hurts – You are a Slave (Knowledge vs Ignorance)

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The Truth Hurts – Sometimes telling the Truth Hurts

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Stop being Depressed & Go Nuts for Cashews – Benefits from Eating Cashews

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Two handfuls of cashews is the therapeutic equivalent of a prescription dose of Prozac. Inside you, the essential amino acid L-tryptophan is broken down into anxiety-reducing, snooze-inducing niacin. Even more important, tryptophan is also made into serotonin, one of your body’s most important neurotransmitters.

Serotonin gives a feeling of well-being and mellowness, or as the Australians would say, “no worries.” This is such a profound effect that Prozac, Paxil and similar antidepressants usually either mimic serotonin or artificially keep the body’s own serotonin levels high. You can do the same thing with your food. And no one can tell us that beans, peas, cheese, nuts and wheat germ are toxic if you eat a lot of them!

Plenty of carbohydrates (starches) in your meals help tryptophan get to where it does the most good: in your brain. In order to cross the blood-brain barrier to get in, carbos are required. So cheese and crackers provides a better effect than the cheese standing alone. An egg or two on toast is better than just the egg. Beans, peas, and nuts already contain carbohydrate, so you are all set there.

Consider that five servings of beans, a few portions of peanut butter, or just one big handful of cashews provides one to two thousand milligrams of tryptophan, which will work as well as prescription antidepressants… but don’t tell the drug companies. Some skeptics think that the pharmaceutical people already know. Here are two quotes in evidence:

“Pay careful attention to what is happening with dietary supplements in the legislative arena… If these efforts are successful, there could be created a class of products to compete with approved drugs. The establishment of a separate regulatory category for supplements could undercut exclusivity rights enjoyed by the holders of approved drug applications.” (Source: FDA Deputy Commissioner for Policy David Adams, at the Drug Information Association Annual Meeting, July 12, 1993)

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BENEFITS OF EATING CASHEW NUTS

Who doesn’t know about cashew nuts? Caju is what we call them in India. We use them mostly in sweets and children love to eat them as they are. They are full of anti-oxidants, vitamins and minerals which are required for the normal functioning of the body. They actually belong to Brazil but Portuguese brought them to India in the 16th century. The kidney shaped or bean shaped nuts have many health benefits, a few of which are presented below:

1. Prevents Cancer: Proanthocyanidins are a class of flavonols which fight against tumor cells by stopping them to divide further. These proanthocyanidins and high copper content in cashew nuts help fight against cancerous cells and keeps you away from colon cancer. This is one of the major cashew nut benefits.

2. Healthy Heart: Cashews contain low fat content when compared to other nuts and that too in the oleic acid form which is very healthy for heart. They are cholesterol free and the antioxidants present keeps you away from heart diseases.

3. Lowers High Blood Pressure: Cashew nuts lower your blood pressure with the help of magnesium present in them.

4. Helps Hair: Copper is the mineral which helps your hair get that color. So if you take cashews which are full of copper content, you can get that black hair that you always wished for.

5. Healthy Bones: Like calcium, magnesium is also important for bone health which is the main content in cashew nuts.

6. Healthy Nerves: Magnesium is stored on the bones surface which prevents calcium from entering the nerve cells and thus keeps the blood vessels and muscles relaxed. Insufficient amount of magnesium can lead calcium to enter the blood vessels leading them to contract. It also leads to high blood pressure, migraine headache etc.

7. Prevents Gallstones: Daily intake of cashewnut can reduce the risk of developing gallstones up to 25%.

8. Helps in Weight Loss: Even though cashew nuts are considered as fats, it contains good cholesterol. So contrary to popular belief, those who eat cashews at least twice a week gain less weight when compared to those who eat less.

9. Anti-oxidants: Selenium, copper, magnesium etc. act as co-factors for many enzymes.

10. Helps Digestion: Cashew nuts help in growth and development, nucleic acid synthesis and digestion.

11. High on Vitamins: Cashew nuts are rich in vitamins like riboflavin, pantothenic acid, thiamin, niacin etc. These vitamins keep you safe from sideroblastic anemia, pellagra, etc.

12. Healthy Gums and Teeth: As mentioned before, the magnesium content present in cashew nuts is very good for bones. So it gives healthy teeth as well as strong gums to hold them.

13. Pleasant sleep: After menopause, these cashew nuts can give you relaxed and pleasant sleep during nights.

14. Free Radicals: Cashew nuts help our body to utilize iron properly and eliminate free radicals which cause health problems.

15. Macular Degeneration: Cashew nuts have the ability to filter Sun’s UV rays and protect us from macular degeneration. Now that you know the health benefits of Cashew nuts, ensure that you eat a few once every week I am sure you already love them.

Credit: Natural Cures Not Medicine

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The Truth Hurts – Nothing last forever (RIP Gene Wilder)

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Every creature is better alive than dead, men and moose and pine trees, and he who understands it aright will rather preserve its life than destroy it. – Henry David Thoreau

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Benefits of Positive Psychology – The Happy Secret to Better Work by Shawn Achor

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Positive psychology is focused on three basic areas of study and practice:

  • Positive emotions, consisting of contentment with the past, current happiness, hope for the future.
  • Positive traits, such as courage, resilience, curiosity, self-knowledge, integrity, compassion, and creativity.
  • Positive institutions, such as community institutions, which can benefit from focusing on the tools developed in positive psychology research.

Positive Psychology: The Evidence on Happiness

Here are some research results that contribute to the field of positive psychology:

  • Activities bring more happiness than possessions. A survey of 150 young adults showed that when asked to rate the happiness value of purchases they hoped would be pleasurable, experience-type purchases, such as trips or meals, outranked objects.
  • Being wealthy does not make you more likely to be happy than other people, as long as everyone’s income is above the poverty level.
  • Grateful people are more likely to be healthy, helpful…

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The Truth Hurts – If they don’t love you for who you are, then they really don’t Love YOU!!!

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The Truth Hurts – It’s all Mental

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Motivation Monday – Pray for Strength

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