Are you really Sorry? – Reasons why people will Never Apologize


For non-apologists, saying “I’m sorry” carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:

  • Admissions of wrong doing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.
  • Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can open the door instead to shame. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes them feel bad about their selves—who they are—which makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.
  • While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.
  • Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability—if arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.

By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct. However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case), will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.

Credit: Psychology Today

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This is your Chance to Post on BLW!!! – Share your Thoughts, Stories & Ideas with us!!!

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Happy National Cheeseburger day!!!

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America’s favorite sandwich is honored on September 18th with a slice of cheese.  It’s National Cheeseburger day!

There are many theories to the beginning of the cheeseburger dating back to the 1920s.  One story suggests that Lionel Sternberger is reputed to have invented the cheeseburger in 1926 while working at his father’s Pasadena, California sandwich shop, The Rite Spot.  During an experiment, he dropped a slice of American cheese on a sizzling hamburger.

There are other claims of the invention of the cheeseburger:

  • A cheeseburger appeared on a 1928 menu at O’Dell’s, a Los Angeles restaurant, which listed a cheeseburger, smothered with chili, for 25 cents.
  • Kaelin’s Restaurant – Louisville, Kentucky says it invented the cheeseburger in 1934.
  • Denver, Colorado – 1935 – A trademark for the name “cheeseburger” was awarded to Louis Ballast of the Humpty Dumpty Drive-In.
  • According to its archives, Gus Belt, founder of Steak n’ Shake, applied for a trademark on the word “cheeseburger” in the 1930s.

Credit: National Calendar

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Happy National Video Games Day!!! – What was your favorite Video Game to play?

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Six Games selected to the Video Game Hall of Fame

group shot

The Strong National Museum of Play has finally selected its first class of video games to enter the World Video Game Hall of Fame.

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The six games are: “Doom,” “Pac-Man,” “Pong,” “Super Mario Bros.,” “Tetris” and “World of Warcraft.” With the exception of WoW, all are classic games that gamers have been playing since before the new millennium.

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The six games, which were announced Thursday during a special ceremony in Rochester, were chosen by a committee composed of journalists, scholars and video game industry members who based their decision on a selection of criteria: icon status, longevity, geographical reach and wider influence on culture.

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The committee considered some of these games to also be trailblazers in their genre.

Photo Credit: World Video Game Hall of Fame

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Motivation Monday – Just Keep on Livin’

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We Will Never Forget all the Heroes on 9/11 – Everyday Heroes

 

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This is your Chance to Post on BLW!!! – Share your Thoughts, Stories & Ideas with us!!!

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WE AT BE LIKE WATER BELIEVE THAT WE ARE ALL PART OF THE LEARNING EXPERIENCE, SO WE WANTED TO REACH OUT TO OUR FRIENDS & FANS TO SAY WE APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT

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SO, IF YOU HAVE A STORY OR TOPIC YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH US, JUST LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENT SECTION WITH A LINK TO YOUR TOPIC AND WE WILL POST IT ON BLW,

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Happy Beer Lovers Day!!! – Beer by Charles Bukowski

Be Like Water

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Love is A Mad Dog From Hell

I don’t know how many bottles of beer

I have consumed while waiting for things

to get better

I dont know how much wine and whisky

and beer

mostly beer

I have consumed after

splits with women-

waiting for the phone to ring

waiting for the sound of footsteps,

and the phone to ring

waiting for the sounds of footsteps,

and the phone never rings

until much later

and the footsteps never arrive

until much later

when my stomach is coming up

out of my mouth

they arrive as fresh as spring flowers:

“what the hell have you done to yourself?

it will be 3 days before you can fuck me!” 

the female is durable

she lives seven and one half years longer

than the male, and she drinks very little beer

because she knows its bad for the figure.

while we…

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Wisdom Wednesdays – Here’s to the Could’ve Beens

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