I have been afraid.
While I was concerned about Matthew, the Tropical Storm that passed around the island of Barbados where I live last Wednesday, I was more concerned about the epiphany that storm brought with it.
I am afraid. I was not afraid of the gale force winds, the striking forked lightning or the pounding rain. No I was afraid of myself and my future.
As I stayed safe in my home and watched Nature flog the Earth, I started to think about all the things I had been afraid of prior to the rain-fall. I really began to dissect and analyze my actions over the last month and this year.
The galling part was realizing that I had been holding myself back, because without really realizing it, I was afraid of both succeeding and also failing. That of course left me in the nether regions of just existing. That sucked!
Yet as I thought about it more and more, I realized that I had allowed fear in all of its many disguises to pause me. I had allowed this foe to nestle into my mind and plant seeds of germinating fear with leaves of ‘just stop’ . Like weeds, it only served to totally mess me up, but as I thought about it, I had to ask my self what this fear really meant.
Was I afraid of hearing ‘No’ ‘We don’t think you are good enough?’ Maybe…but as I watched water run free and confidently around my car and my car stubbornly refuse to move, I wondered why such a reaction should even phase me. I had to survive right?
Right. So that meant I had to actively push past these irrational fears and just say and mean ‘Fuck it’. And that is what this week is about to be.
How about you? What are the things that you have to push forward through? Hit me up and let me know!
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