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Abuse by Cypher’s Den (BLW Contributor)

Defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

“noun \ə-ˈbyüs\

Definition of ABUSE

1:  a corrupt practice or custom
2:  improper or excessive use or treatment :  misuse <drug abuse>
3  obsolete :  a deceitful act :  deception
4:  language that condemns or vilifies usually unjustly, intemperately, and angrily
5:  physical maltreatment”

So when do you say enough is enough?  At what point in life do you decide that being taken for granted has ran its last lap and you are ready to reclaim ownership?  Abuse comes in many different ways.

  • Emotional
  • Physical
  • Mental
  • Spiritual
  • Verbal
  • Sexual

     No individual, whether it is a man, woman nor child should be subject to abuse.  There are times when you may witness firsthand someone getting the shit beat out of them but you stand back out of fear.  In today’s times, people are more prone to capturing your death on camera, than they are to stepping in to save you.  I will admit, back in the days people would step in to help but it isn’t quite as easy to coming across the same rescue today.

       It is never okay nor is it acceptable to display or inflict any type of abuse on any individual regardless of what has took place.  Sometimes, you could actually be a victim of domestic abuse but due to the multiple excuses you make for the abuser, you don’t recognize it.  Just because someone doesn’t hit you does not mean that you were not physically abused.

According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline site, signs of domestic abuse are described as follows:

  • Telling you that you can never do anything right
  • Showing jealousy of your friends and time spent away
  • Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing friends or family members
  • Embarrassing or shaming you with put-downs
  • Controlling every penny spent in the household
  • Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
  • Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
  • Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions
  • Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
  • Preventing you from working or attending school
  • Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol

You may be wondering, “Why do you stay in an abusive relationship if you know that this isn’t right?”  Well it’s always easier to be on the outside looking in, than on the inside looking out.  You never know that the behavior you’re experiencing isn’t the actual way you should be treated.  You begin making excuses for the abuser which leads to you rationalizing why they’re acting a particular way.  

“It must have been something I said.”

“He/She was just having a bad day.”

“They love me and this is the only way they know how to express it.”

“His/Her parents weren’t around to show them how to really love, so its okay.”

     I have no degree or license to back up how I feel but rather, experience.  I’ve been in relationships where I felt like it was something that I said or did that caused them to react this way.  I began making excuses for their behavior and soon became desensitized to my own feelings.  It was always, “what can I do to make them not feel this way,” instead of figuring out my exit plan.  

Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships?

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline Resources

Get Help!

CALL The National Domestic Abuse Hotline

Their advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential and anonymous.


Our advocates offer the same support through our live chat services. Click here


Your safety is their priority, so all phone calls and chats are completely confidential. Learn more about privacy and safety.



      1. Exactly.
        There is an American scale that measures abuse in all its forms – ACE – which they are trying to use to prevent it, and it acts as a predictor for outcomes of abuse also, as in how peoples health, income etc is affected. Google it and you’ll find it, and there’s some good Ted talks on it too.

  1. Imperative in any day and age. So many people get swallowed up by it and don’t even realize it till it’s long overdue to be changed and corrected. We see it and live it every day by someone directly or indirectly in our lives. Not tolerable. Amazing post, Great to share this around. Cheers.

    1. Thank you for your feedback! If we are able to reach out to pre-victims and educate them more on self-worth and recognizing those “bad apples” that may prowl within their lives, maybe it will decrease the number of domestic abuse-deaths around the world.

      1. Agreed. The gov’t’s of this world need to apply more to fixing this than coming out with new ways for us to spend our money, we’re quite capable of that ourselves. Focus the spending on REAL issues and not materialistic nonsense

  2. This is so important and supportive article, thanks for this! Women should definitely learn that there are other ways than just a physical abuse, and learn to recognize signs before it´s not too late.
    I have gone through the mental abuse myself in my previous relationship, so know exactly how damaging and dangerous it can be for your mental health( and not only for mental health). Don´t be afraid and act now, please do it for yourself!
    I have recently posted new article which writes about “How To Identify 7 Signs That Your Relationship Will Fail”, and it also points out mostly for mental abuse.
    You can read it here:

    1. Hi Samantha,

      Thank you so much for your comment! Yes, I know this all too well…the mental abuse will eventually lead to health issues (not many know this) as I have experienced it first hand. The minute I would get into an argument with my ex, my stomach would automatically get upset (TMI). It was to the point that even after I broke up with him and went on about my business, any time I spoke of him or my past relationship, my stomach would get upset. It has been a year since we’ve separated and thankfully, I do not go through this anymore. It took getting away but it also took me regaining my strength and applying more of my faith in my Almighty!

      I will definitely take a look at your post and be sure to respond to it. Thanks again!

      Stay Strong,


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