One the earliest memories I had when I was a just five years old finding out about a little thing called death. I was watching television with my mother noticing how my favorite cartoon character wouldn’t come back to life as my no nonsense mother taught me about death right there and then, explaining to me how everyone in this life was going to die eventually because it was the natural order of things. She tells me how she, my father and I would sooner or later pass on to the afterlife.
At the time, I had no idea what the afterlife was about or what a spirit was but my mom tells me that everyone has a spirit inside of them, whether you were good or bad, your spirit would leave your body into a different plane floating away from you into a better place. You had no control over when it’s your time to die because it was up to destiny to figure that out. It sounded very romantic and poetic, making it easier for people to understand death, which that kind of philosophy probably sold a lot of books but I wasn’t buying it.
My mother was not the only one that shared this idea about how your spirit moves on to another place after your body dies, which several groups and religions had similar ideologies on life and death. For example, the mythical Vikings believed that how well you died in battle would determine if your spirit would get into Valhalla, the hall of the fallen.
In Japan, the samurai had the same code of ethics called Bushido, which its literal meaning is “the way of the warrior.” The Samurai invites death because they know if they followed the Bushido lifestyle, their deaths would be honorable and their spirit would move on peacefully to the afterlife. Many of the samurai were practicing Buddhists, which they believed that death was a rebirth.
In the teaching of the Buddha, all of us will pass away eventually as a part in the natural process of birth, old age and death, which also says the all life is precious. To Buddhism, however, death is not the end of life, it is merely the end of the body we inhabit in this life, but our spirit will still remain and seek out through the need of attachment, attachment to a new body and new life. Where they will be born is a result of the past and the accumulation of positive and negative action, and the resultant karma (cause and effect) is a result of ones past actions.
So, if you were a jerk in this life maybe in your next life you were going to live a horrible life. Christians had same philosophy on “do on to people as they do on to you,” as they would try to help their fellow men but if you harm too many people your spirit would not make it into the pearly gates of Heaven and might be casted down to Hell or even worse be stuck in purgatory, where you would just live forever in middle of nowhere living with your regrets.
All these philosophies had symbiotic relationship with life and death, there couldn’t be dark without light and vice a versa. Life and death was a bridge that connected all of us from this world to the next. Either way there was no way from running from death because it was just the one certainties of life, just like taxes and people believing they don’t need to see a psychiatrist because they don’t think they are crazy. (Here’s a tip: We’re all crazy)
My mother tried to comfort me holding me in her arms but I was crying uncontrollably knowing that I wasn’t going to live forever. I just couldn’t imagine even at an early age that I couldn’t find a way to live forever because in my mind I was in control of my own life. It took hours before I stopped crying, in which, I made a deal with myself that I was going to live my life to the fullest because I knew in any moment that it was going to be taken away from me.
But after many years of disappointment, somewhere a long the way I forgot the promise I made to myself. I became the person, who wasn’t living up to their own potential, which they were just happy being where they were in their own pathetic lives. Just other lifeless body going through the motions of life, living in my own created purgatory waiting to die and have my spirit move on to nowhere or be that schmuck rolling up a bolder up and down on a hill until the end of time.
That way of thinking ends today. Today, I stop running from my destiny and run towards it. That old me dies tonight and I will be reborn as the fiery phoenix coming out the burning flames of Hell to take back my life, choosing the “warrior way”, living like a fucking Viking screaming all the way to Valhalla. I will not die on my knees because I was going to go out on my feet fighting for my legacy because I’m going to live forever.
There wasn’t going to be any psalms to sing because I was going to take back my life by force, killing who every got in my way recreating my own destiny. I’ve been scared of death my whole entire life, living my life in a shell trying to protect myself from it because it was so terrifying, but it stops today because I will stop running from it. I will start living my life to the fullest.
Tonight death will be scared of me because it will finally know my name.
Chapter 1 Genesis
“Who are you?”
There are bodies upon bodies scattered around the Clearing Control Room, half Saviors and half Horsemen. Around their bodies were blood soaked weapons that surrounded them like a chalk outline. It looked like a dirty bomb exploded inside the room with the amount of blood and body parts that painted “CCR” like Pollack piece. I’m covered from head to toe with my own and other people’s blood as it mixes in with my fiery orange red hair. Ironically, LCD Soundsystem’s Dance Yrself Clean is playing in my head as get closer to my goal. I was bruised, beaten and tired, but that wasn’t stopping me.
I finally had my hands around her neck sucking the life out of her as they glow bright yellow like the Sun with the exception that I wasn’t giving life, I was taking it. I have this anger inside of me that burns like an uncontrollable brush fire, which cannot be extinguished with broken promises and false hopes because I know the truth now. I could see the veins popping out of her eyes as she tries to stop me but she can’t. I am the Phoenix rising out of the ashes of fallen Rome.
I felt powerful.
Feeling everything around me from the aliment of the stars to the full moon, to the high tech gadgets clicking and clanking, to the video cameras recording our every move, as I could hear the pounding of flesh, tasting the sweet texture of blood in my mouth. I’m using my new set of tools of destruction to the worst of my abilities.
I felt ravenous. I felt alive.
“Alessandra, you have to kill her or we all die!” Ace screaming at me as he lies there dying from the shotgun wound with his blood all over the floor.
I hover over the Counselor as she begins to turn into Casper as I literally suck every ounce of her life. If you asked me a week ago this where I would be in my life, I would have laughed at you calling you insane. But amazingly this was my life now and everyone was counting on me because I was the last chance to stop all this madness. I was everyone’s best and worst chance to a new life, which I don’t think I was ready for it.
I wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t always this angry or this confident. My hair wasn’t always “Kissed by Fire” because I was very far from what I am today. Maybe we should start in the beginning before all this craziness, before I was destined to be humanities savior and last best hope.
A week ago I was just a regular accountant working for a private company that works with the government as a Clearing agent. Clearing agents file the necessary paperwork for volunteered and chosen departed. In the not too far distant future, suicide is not outlawed but accepted. There are even convince store like businesses that you can walk into, where you can fill up paper work and they take care of you like you a dental procedure. You’re in and you never come out. They’re called Bridges because they help you onto your next destination in the afterlife.
To be continued…
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