Written By Ryan Fu @fu_beatz
First off, I think this is the best season of Game of Thrones by far with the great story lines and the amount of important people dying in each episode. I like a show that is not afraid to kill off important or popular characters because it’s much more important to the success of the whole story. We all know that in some shows when a character gets to popular with the public, the producers are afraid to kill them off because they might get a backlash from it’s fans. Not G.O.T., they don’t give a fuck! It’s all about precision and timing for this well-oiled machine, removing and replacing characters whenever they want in order to achieve a great show. Personally, I fucking love that idea and I wish more shows had the balls to do that more often because it’s all about the bigger picture. If you wanted to see show with no heart or brains, you could have just turned on the Trash-Dashians.
Before I get to the showdown against the Mountain and the Red Viper, let’s discuss the rest of the episode. The episode begins with the beautiful Ygritte returning to the show, killing a bunch of people, as the Wildings get closer to Castle Black and Jon Snow of course. I cannot wait for these two get back together but I got a real fucked up feeling that this is not going to go down that I want in my head. It’s not going to be a romantic scene like in Cruel Intentions where Reese Witherspoon is riding up the escalator and sees Ryan Phillippe waiting on top of the for passionate embrace. I believe this is going to be a little bloodier.
Daenerys Targaryen with her assistant discuss if Earthworm Jim pees standing up or not. But Khaleesi’s real concern if she can trust her own council as she gets news that Lord Jorah had betrayed her trust. She banishes him from Meereen and orders him to never come back. Lord Jorah is a man without a country like poor Theon Greyjoy aka Reek. In the episode we see Reek do his master’s bidding as they recapture a piece of the North for that Asshole Roose Bolton. Lord Bolton awards his bastard son with a new title and name, Ramsay Bolton. In the beginning of the season, I thought Theon or whatever you call him now was in such a horrible position but now to think about it, I think this is where Theon should be all along. I mean, he doesn’t have to think, which he just follows orders and never has to make a decision. Every decision he ever made was a mistake, so this way, this new life seems a much better fit for Theon or should I just say Reek from now on.
Lord Baelish aka Littlefinger gets questioned for the death of Lady Arryn, in which Littlefinger tells the council that she was bat shit crazy and she committed suicide. But the council knows that is only half true and needs the help of Sansa Stark to know the real truth. Sansa comes to the rescue to Lord Baelish and gets his back as she starts to play the game.
“Lord Baelish has told many lies but he was my only friend and he rescued me.”
I feel there might be a “New Cute Couple Alert” coming from me in the future with this two.
As one Stark sister gets more comfortable in the role of a highborn, Arya Stark is getting used to the feeling of rejecting. As the dynamic killing duo of the Hound and Arya arrive at the Eyrie expecting to see the Lady of the Vale and end this long journey of theirs, in which they find out that she killed herself three days ago. The Hound puts on his FML face while Arya starts laughing uncontrollable. I really want this duo to meet with the other kick ass duo of Brienne of Tarth and Podrick. I would love to see that tag team death match.
Finally, we see the Lannister brothers get philosophical as Tyrion’s death looms in his mind; they talk about the meaning of life. But of course we never get those answers until we finally see the end of our own lives. Which Prince Oberyn is confident that he will never see his death, which he tells Tyrion he doesn’t need armor or be sober to fight getting ready to fight the heavily armored Gregor Clegane aka The Mountain as he says to Tyrion,
“Size does not matter when you are flat on your back.” Tyrion responds, “Thank Gods.”
Can you imagine if the UFC was this way? I mean not with weapons because it would be even shorter bouts. I’m talking about if we gave the opportunity for the fighters to drink before the matches. I mean that might have done that back in the old days of the UFC with Tank Abbott but imagine if the fighters had the option to get hammered before they actual hammer someone. It might not turn out to be a good fight, although it would be interesting, but I digress.
Let’s continue with his championship battle to the death with a regular size man against a Mountain size man for the fate of a half man. Surprisingly, Prince Oberyn is beating the shit of the Mountain with his speed and skills. The whole time he kept talking shit to the Mountain wanting to know who killed his family member. It reminded of the scene in the Princess Bride with Inigo Montoya.
“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya…”
The Red Viper is seconds away from killing Clegane when he starts to celebrate too early before he gets into the end zone, which you can see I real, real miss football but I digress. The Mountain seizes his chance, tripping Oberyn to the ground, getting on top of him and kills him Three Stooges style, poking both eyes out. As the Mountain finally gets all the candy from the Red Viper Pinata, he himself dies maybe out of joy but regardless the fate of Tyrion Lannister is sealed as Tywin Lannister tells the kingdom that Tyrion is sentenced to death. You can see Cersei having mini orgasms hearing the verdict while Tyrion had that FML look on his face.
Once again another great episode but I am sadden to know that there are only two episodes left this season but I’m kinda afraid what’s going to happen next because there are not many characters left on the show. I have not had the opportunity to read the books, so I am just a regular fan just like you, waiting to see what’s going to happen next in the Seven Kingdoms. Please free to check out our other reviews in which most of them I was quite drunk when I wrote them.
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