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Games of Thrones- Season Premiere(Two Swords) “My Little Pony”



Let me say this first before I continue on with the review of the episode, “Thank the Gods that this show is back on TV,” since the season ending of The Walking Dead and True Detective is done for the season, I was about to actually pick up a book. HBO totally knows what they are doing, spacing great shows back to back, so we get the best shows possible. I think they even plan it out so you have to watch Girls and see Lena Dunham naked a bunch of times, which makes you appreciate hot fucking girls on G.O.T. take off their clothes. I am sad that some of the Starks aren’t coming back this season but we will never forget them and so will the Northerners. The North will never forget and what is dead will never die.

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The episode opens up with Tywin Lannister forging a new sword from the fallen Young Wolf for his son, Jaime Lannister. We see Jaime back in the Kings Guard armor but the Hand of King does not want Jaime to be of the Kings Guard. Tywin wants his son to be more than a personal bodyguard. But Jaime wants to regain some of his lost honor back and remains in the Guard.


This is not the same confident Lannister we have seen in the last couple of seasons. He is far different from his former self, which we can see as he gets accustomed to a new hand. His former love Cersei feels the difference between them and gives him the cold shoulder.


Which I thought, what a horrible bitch! He had to deal with a bunch of shit to get back to Kings Landing including getting his hand getting cut off. At least give him a hand job! (Horrible joke I know, I couldn’t resist.)


Then we see Jaime dealing with Joffrey, making plans to protect him but Joffrey the little shit makes fun of his own Uncle. As Joffrey looks at a book with all the accomplishments of the Kings Guard and he only see a little bit for Jaime and this destroys him inside. I really hope Jaime kills Joffrey with his good hand.

We see a new character Oberyn Martell, who gets invited to Kings Landing by Joffrey to create a new alliance. I really like Prince Oberyn because he doesn’t care for any Lannisters as he gets annoyed at a brothel when two men sing the Lannister song and attacks one of them. Tyrion saves the men from being slaughtered by the Prince and talk business. Oberyn tells Tyrion why he hates the Lannisters and why he should not be trifle with.

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Prince Oberyn is not the only thing he is has to deal with in Kings Landing. He has to deal with his new wife, Sansa Stark not eating because she is still morning the death of he family.

I still think Tyrion is the best character on the show as he tries to comfort Sansa telling her that he liked his brother and respected her mother, even though she tired to execute him. Hilarious.

What is not hilarious is that Tyrion can’t get any nookie from his hot girlfriend Shae because it is a dangerous time in the Kingdom and Tyrion does not want Shae to be in danger but the walls in the kingdom have too many eyes and ears for any truths to get by.

Daenerys on the other hand, looks like she is in control of her own destiny until she tries to stop a fight between her dragons. Jorah tells the Queen,

“Dragons can be never tamed even by their mother.”

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Fore sighting, maybe. But those fucking dragons are getting bigger!

Mhysa is heading to the mother of all slave cities as her troops get to see in every mile marker, a slave girl being crucified. I got a feeling the Queen of Dragons is not going to be happy when she gets to the city.


Mean time we see Ygritte, a woman scorned, preparing her bows for Jon Snow’s heart as the wildings prepare to attack Castle Black. At the same time, Jon is on trial for and admits that he broke his vows but also tells them that the wildings are planning to attack them.


I love this couple and I really hope they get back together.


Just kidding!!! I want them to fight it out and then have hot sex on the battlefield! (You want to see it)

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Personally, the best part of the show is Arya Stark and The Hound in the forest trying to figure out their next move. Arya wants to know why The Hound just lets her go but The Hound knows that Arya is still valuable to him. Arya is still angry that her family got murdered and demands her own horse. It seems to me when Arya wants something, she usually gets want she wants or people die. Which we see in the following scene we the dynamic duo enters a tavern with the Kings men. Arya notices that one of the men killed one of her friends. One of the men also notices The Hound and approaches him with ale to show him respect. The man wants to know why The Hound is here and The Hound wants the man to get him more ale and chickens.


The Hound is another character in which when he demands something, he usually gets it or people die. He do not get is ale or chicken, so you imagine what happened next. The Hound beats everyone down and we see Arya standing over one of the men who killed her friend with her own sword. She tells him verbatim what he told his friend before killing him. She calmly thrusts her own sword into the man. She finally looked happy for once and she finally got her horse.


Once again I am super glad the Game of Thrones is back on television. I have not read the books so I don’t know what is about to happen in future episodes and almost all of the reviews I shall be totally drunk. Please share and talk shit if you want to because I won’t remember any of this.



  1. Great review. Made me laugh quite a few times. I’m pretty sure the sword that Tywin was melting was Ned Starks though. The one that he would use to behead people (and naturally, was used during his beheading).

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