Tasty Vegan – Spicy BBQ Chickpea Burgers & Lightened-Up Crispy Baked Fries Recipe

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Ingredients:

  • 1 cup dry/uncooked chickpeas (or 2 & 1/4 cups cooked chickpeas) + kombu (optional)
  • 1/2 cup dry brown rice (or 1 & 1/4 cup cooked rice)
  • 3 tbsp sunflower seeds + 1 tbsp pepita seeds, toasted
  • 2 large garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/2 cup diced red pepper
  • 1 jalapeno, seeded and diced
  • 1/4 cup diced red onion
  • 1 small carrot, grated
  • 1/4 cup minced fresh parsley
  • 3 tbsp BBQ sauce
  • 1/4 cup breadcrumbs, or more as needed (use GF breadcrumbs if necessary)
  • 2-3 tbsp ground flax
  • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
  • Fine grain sea salt, to taste (I used 1 tsp + Herbamare)

1. Methods to prepare chickpeas: 1) Soak dry chickpeas overnight, or for at least 8 hours, in a large bowl filled with water. When ready, drain and rinse the chickpeas. Place in a medium-sized pot with 3 cups of fresh water. Cover with lid and bring to a boil. Remove lid and place a small piece (~1” x 2”) of kombu (optional) into the pot with 1/8th tsp salt. Cover again and simmer on low-medium for about 50 minutes, watching carefully after about 35-40. When cooked, chickpeas will be tender and some may have split open. Drain and rinse. Discard kombu. 2) Alternatively, you can use canned chickpeas or 3) the quick-soak method: Add 3 cups water and 1 cup dry chickpeas into a pot. Cover, bring to a boil, and immediately turn heat off. Keep covered and let sit for 1 hour. After 1 hour, drain and rinse chickpeas. Add into rinsed pot with 3 cups fresh water. Cook the same as method 1) above.

2. To cook rice: In a strainer, rinse the rice. Add 1/2 cup dry rice into a pot with 1 cup water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover with lid, and simmer for about 25-30 minutes, watching closely and giving it a stir after 20. Add a touch more water if necessary.

3. Toast seeds: Preheat oven to 300F. Toast sunflower and pepita seeds for about 12 minutes, or until lightly golden in colour. Set aside.

4. Chop vegetables. Finely chop the garlic, peppers, onion, and parsley. Grate carrot. Stir in half the salt. Set aside.

5. Mash chickpeas and rice: When chickpeas are ready, drain and rinse. Add the cooked chickpeas and rice into a large bowl. Make sure your rice is HOT as it helps it stick together and bind. Do not use cold rice. With a potato masher, mash very well, leaving some chunks for texture. You will need to use a lot of elbow grease to mash this up, but you want it really sticky so it’s worth it! You can also pulse in a food processor.

6. Mix it all up: Preheat a large skillet over medium-high heat. With a wooden spoon, stir in the chopped vegetables into the mashed chickpea/rice mixture. Now stir in the seeds, BBQ sauce, breadcrumbs, and ground flax. Add the salt and red pepper flakes to taste.

7. Shape patties & cook: Form 6-8 patties and pack dough together tightly. Spray the preheated skillet with oil. Cook the patties for about 4-5 minutes per side over medium-high heat (time will vary based on your temp). Burgers should be browned and firm when ready. You can also try grilling the patties (try pre-baking patties for 15 mins in the oven at 350F before grilling).

Credit & Read more: http://ohsheglows.com/2012/07/03/spicy-bbq-chickpea-burgers-lightened-up-crispy-baked-fries/#ixzz3zyUmeiWe

Wisdom Wednesday – The True Measure of a Person

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Everyone can be MacGyver – Home Remedies that Work! – Tell us your tips as well

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Nobody is saying the wonders of modern medicine—what would we do without a medication like penicillin to treat infections? But, as it turns out, everyday items have secret curing powers, too. Next time you don’t want to fork over money to get a common wart removed, consider using duct tape. Already popped two aspirin but can’t get rid of the headache? A pencil could do the trick. Below, get medical explanations behind a few bizarre—albeit brilliant—MacGyver-esque home remedies.

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DUCT TAPE TO REMOVE WARTS

In 2002, a group of doctors compared duct tape’s effectiveness with liquid nitrogen in removing warts. After two months of wearing duct tape on a daily basis and using a pumice stone about once a week to exfoliate the dead skin, 85 percent of patients’ warts were gone, whereas freezing only removed 60 percent. “The question is whether there is something in the chemical adhesive itself, or if the occlusion (suffocation) causes the destruction of the wart,” says New York City–based dermatologist, Robin Blum, MD. “The other thinking is that the duct tape causes irritation, which stimulates our body’s immune cells to attack the wart.”

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VAPOR RUB TO CURE NAIL FUNGUS

While there are no studies to prove coating infected toenails with vapor rub once or twice a day is an effective treatment for nail fungus, a basic Internet search results in a number of personal testaments to the medicinal ointment’s fungus-killing powers. “I’ve heard many patients say that vapor rub does help, but I’m not exactly sure why,” Dr. Blum admits. While some argue it’s the menthol in the balm that kills the fungus and others say it’s the smothering effect of the thick gel, if used consistently, vapor rub has been shown to get rid of not just the fungus, but the infected toenail, too, which will turn black and eventually fall off. When the new nail grows in, it should be fungus-free.

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OATMEAL TO SOOTHE ECZEMA

“This is absolutely true, as oats have anti-inflammatory properties,” Dr. Blum says. Whether it’s used as a paste or poured into a bath, most experts recommend choosing colloidal (finely ground) oatmeal and soaking the affected area for at least 15 minutes. In addition to reducing inflammation, oats are thought to have an antihistamine effect, Dr. Blum says. By lowering levels of histamine, which triggers inflammation as part of the immune system’s recovery response, she explains, oats prevent or reduce the redness.

Yogurt

YOGURT TO CURE BAD BREATH

Bad breath comes from a number of places, the two most common being the mouth and the stomach. The neutralizing powers of yogurt and other probiotics treat the latter cause. “Yogurt shouldn’t have any effect at all on the bacteria that live on the tongue because it’s not there long enough,” says Robert Meltzer, MD, a New York City–based gastroenterologist and attending physician at Lenox Hill Hospital. However, it likely has a neutralizing effect on the acid that resides anywhere between the mouth and the stomach, including the back of the throat and the esophagus, he explains. “I think almost any milk product or food that contains live cultures would have the same effect.” While yogurt can get rid of bad breath that results from gastrological conditions, like acid reflux, it won’t have any real effect on bad breath that is the product of gum, liver or lung disease, says Ohio-based dentist Matthew Messina, DDS.

Sugar

A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR TO CURE HICCUPS

In 1971, Edgar Engelman, MD, conducted a study to find out if a spoonful of sugar really is an effective cure for hiccups. He assembled a group of 20 patients who had been experiencing intractable hiccups for more than six hours, eight of whom had had them anywhere from a full day to six weeks. Each of the test subjects was given one teaspoon of white granulated sugar to swallow dry, and for 19 of the 20 hiccup patients, the cure was immediate. André Dubois, MD, a gastroenterologist in Bethesda, Maryland, noted in The Doctors Book of Home Remedies that “the sugar is probably acting in the mouth to modify the nervous impulses that would otherwise tell the muscles in the diaphragm to contract spasmodically.”

Pencil-Bite-Abstract

BITE A PENCIL TO CURE A HEADACHE

While doctors aren’t sure why we do it, clenching our teeth is a common side effect of stress. According to Fred Sheftell, MD, director of the New England Center for Headache in Stamford, Connecticut, when we clench up, we strain the muscle that connects the jaw to the temples, which can trigger a tension headache. By placing a pencil between our teeth—but not biting down—we relax our jaw muscles, which eradicates tension and reduces pain. Just remember, the remedy really only applies to tension headaches—not migraines or headaches caused by sinus pressure, etc.

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OLIVES FOR MOTION SICKNESS

According to the National Library of Medicine, there are a number of symptoms that present themselves as a result of motion sickness, including increased salivation, which is the body’s way of protecting the teeth from the high doses of acid accompanied by vomit. Enter olives, which contain tannins that, when released in the mouth, work to dry saliva—first eliminating the symptom and then the body’s instinct to follow suit. However, the treatment is only effective during the early stages of nausea, when the salivation changes first appear.

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GARGLE SALT WATER FOR A SORE THROAT  

When you were a kid and had a sore throat, your mom likely made you gargle warm water with salt in it…and she was definitely on to something. According to Douglas Hoffman MD, PhD, author of the website The Medical Consumer’s Advocate, a sore throat is an inflammatory response of the infected tissues, and the salt helps draw out the excess fluid to temporarily decrease swelling and the pain it causes. Most remedies call for a ratio of 1 tablespoon salt to 8 ounces of water, but it’s always better to opt for more salt rather than less. Just keep in mind that you are treating the symptoms—not the illness. As Dr. Hoffman notes on his website: “The relief is very real, but also tends to be short-lived, since the gargle has done nothing to remove the cause of the sore throat.”

Credit: Womans Day

You are what you’re feeling- The Effects of Negative Emotions on our Health

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Humans experience an array of emotions, anything from happiness, to sadness to extreme joy and depression. Each one of these emotions creates a different feeling within the body. After all, our body releases different chemicals when we experience various things that make us happy and each chemical works to create a different environment within the body. For example if your brain releases serotonin, dopamine or oxytocin, you will feel good and happy. Convexly, if your body releases cortisol while you are stressed, you will have an entirely different feeling associated more with the body kicking into survival mode.

What about when we are thinking negative thoughts all the time? Or how about when we are thinking positive thoughts? What about when we are not emotionally charged to neither positive nor negative? Let’s explore how these affect our body and life.

POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE

Is there duality in our world? Sure, you could say there is to a degree, but mostly we spend a lot of time defining and judging what is to be considered as positive and what we consider to be as negative. The brainis a very powerful tool and as we define what something is or should be, we begin to have that result play out in our world. Have you ever noticed, for example that someone driving can get cut off and lose their lid, get angry and suddenly they are feeling negative, down and in  bad mood? Whereas someone else can get cut off while driving and simply apply the break slightly and move on with their day as if nothing happened. In this case, the same experience yet one sees it as negative while the other doesn’t. So are things innately positive and negative? Or do we define things as positive and negative?

CUT THE PERCEPTIONS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

After thinking about it for a moment you might realize that there are in fact no positive or negative experiences other than what we define as such. Therefore our very perception of an experience or situation has the ultimate power as to how we will feel when it’s happening and how our bodies will be affected. While we can always work to move beyond our definitions of each experience and move into a state of mind/awareness/consciousness where we simply accept each experience for what it is and use it as a learning grounds for us, we may not be there yet and so it’s important to understand how certain emotions can affect our health.

“If someone wishes for good health, one must first ask oneself if he is ready to do away with the reasons for his illness. Only then is it possible to help him.” ~Hippocrates

MIND BODY CONNECTION

The connection between your mind and body is very powerful and although it cannot be visually seen, the effects your mind can have on your physical body are profound. We can have an overall positive mental attitude and deal directly with our internal challenges and in turn create a healthy lifestyle or we can be in negative, have self destructive thoughts and not deal with our internal issues, possibly even cloak those issues with affirmations and positivity without finding the route and in turn we can create an unhealthy lifestyle. Why is this?

Our emotions and experiences are essentially energy and they can be stored in the cellular memory of our bodies. Have you ever experienced something in your life that left an emotional mark or pain in a certain area of your body? Almost as if you can still feel something that may have happened to you? It is likely because in that area of your body you still hold energy released from that experience that is remaining in that area. I came across an interesting chart that explores some possible areas that various emotions might affect the body.

When you have a pain, tightness or injuries in certain areas, it’s often related to something emotionally you are feeling within yourself. At first glance it may not seem this way because we are usually very out of touch with ourselves and our emotions in this fast paced world, but it’s often the truth. When I’ve had chronic pains in my back, knees, neck or shoulders, it wasn’t exercise, physio or anything in a physical sense that healed it, it was when I dealt with the emotions behind it. I know this because I spent the time and money going to physio and even though I wanted and believed I would get better, something wasn’t being addressed still. The more I addressed the unconscious thought pattern and emotions throughout my body, the more thins loosened up and pain went away.

When you get sick or are feeling a lot of tightness and pain, often times our body is asking us to observe yourself and find peace once again within yourself and your environment. It’s all a learning and growing process we don’t have to judge nor fear.

YOU HAVE THE POWER

Davis Suzuki wrote in ‘The Sacred Life’, ‘condensed molecules from breath exhaled from verbal expressions of anger, hatred, and jealousy, contain toxins. Accumulated over 1 hr, these toxins are enough to kill 80 guinea pigs!’ Can you now imagine the harm you are doing to your body when you stay within negative emotions or unprocessed emotional experience throughout the body?

Remember, you have all the power in you to get through anything life throws at you. Instead of labeling with perception the concepts of negative and positive as it relates to each experience you have in your life, try to see things from a  big picture standpoint. Ask yourself, how can this help me to see or learn something? Can I use this to shift my perception? Clear some emotion within myself? Realize something within another and accept it? Whatever it may be, instead of simply reacting, slow things down and observe. You will find you have the tools to process emotions and illness quickly when you see them for what they are and explore why they came up. If you believe you will get sick all the time, and believe you have pain because it’s all out of your control, you will continue to have it all in an uncontrollable manner until you realize the control you have over much of what we attract within the body.

Credits: Joe Martino of Collective Evolution

Happy National Pizza Day!!! – What’s your favorite type of pizza? People Try Chicago Deep Dish Pizza For The First Time

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People Try Chicago Deep Dish Pizza For The First Time

Michelangelo’s love for Pizza

Happy National Bagel Day!!! – Steak and Cheese Bagel Sandwich Recipe

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Steak and Cheese Bagel Sandwich:
4 onion bagels

2 lb. shaved steak
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. onion powder
8 slices of American cheese or cheese of your choice

Toast bagels. Optional step: wrap in aluminum foil for about 5 minutes to soften crust slightly. 

Heat a large skillet on medium high. To put a good sear on the steak, you don’t want to crowd the pan. Add half of the shaved steak and half of the seasonings. Cook until steak is no longer pink. Divide steak into 2 piles. Add two pieces of cheese on each pile and loosely cover with a lid or foil, avoiding touching cheese. Remove skillet from heat and allow to sit for a couple minutes until cheese melts. 

Transfer the steak and cheese piles onto 2 bagels and assemble the first two sandwiches. Loosely cover with foil to keep warm. Cook the remaining steak and assemble the remaining two sandwiches. Makes 4 sandwiches.

Motivation Monday – Chose to be a Leader, Sheryl Sandberg: Why we have too few women leaders?

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I Pen Life by Being a Woman (BLW Contributor)

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Over the weekend when I went for my Zumba class, a man walking behind me, held the door open for me. I smiled acknowledging his chivalry and rushed inside so not to keep him waiting. If you are reading between lines, I would like to elucidate that I do not take chivalry (originated from knighthood) as a portrayal of being a damsel in distress, but I accept it graciously as a symbol of courtesy and respect which sparks a positive note in the everyday monotony. I read that chivalry in today’s world is surviving on a life support, as most women of today treat it as symbol of weakness. Not me though, for I enjoy being treated like a queen, and to have someone pull out my chair for me or open the door is pleasing.

The same night I was reading to my boys, and then I skipped a dialogue intentionally where the brother says to her sister, “It’s not a girls job to put off the fire!” I was agitated to say the least, as no one has the right to define what a girl ought to do. And I am sure that I do not want my boys to grow up with a predefined biased thinking that stereotypes a woman’s role. 

Call the above two scenarios as my double standards or two sides of the same coin, wherein I enjoy chivalry, but at the same time I do not want anyone to dictate my role and responsibilities. I am not a feminist or for that matter I do not like my views to be labelled. I am not in competition with men or participate in the argument of fairer sex. In my perspective, men and women are gifted with different qualities, and serve different roles on earth and this does not make one inferior over the other. The genders exist to complement each other and thus grow together. The problem arises when one thinks the other has a subservient role, which ignites the fight for equality.

In my current avatar, I am blessed with multiple roles- I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a niece, and also an aunt. I am a wife, and a daughter-in-law. I am a mother. I am a friend. Above all, I am a woman.

I spawned pretty much like everybody else-as a seed inside another woman – my mother. And as part of growing up, somewhere I realized that people around me had a more gentle demeanor towards me than my boy cousins. That was the first difference that struck my lady soul.

As much as I enjoy the freedom of wide selection of dress styles and accompanying shoes, I am also the target of criticism about my looks and hair than the men around me. I became conscious early on about the fact that I could get the attention, if I dress up in a certain way. Also, not often does someone compliments the appearance of men….but women are often graded for the looks and the have nots.

But it requires a lot more than appearance and body strength to live a life, and a woman is empowered with all these instincts and life energy. As I was raised by a strong independent woman, my mom, I did not consider my gender as a limitation to be me. I was raised to become professionally and emotionally independent. I learnt early on that a woman has much more to her than what society has laid out. I was not pigeonholed into doing the household work that is typically expected of a women, which is cooking, cleaning and knitting.  My mother believed that these are the skills that will be learnt when put to test as a wife and a mother, and she was so right. A woman has an uncanny art of performing these vital chores in her pajamas and flip flops, and still be at an office or to a party looking sharp.

It is a beautiful truth that a woman has the power to nurture a life inside her body, as well as have an influence over the children and the family in her world. She has the strength to keep the family together or otherwise, she is an epitome of courage that a man taps into when he needs support.  A woman is an enigma, hiding a mystical contrast of traits from being an emotional reck to being placid like a lake.

My women friends, you are a full circle and you do not need someone else’s validation tomove ahead in life. 

Even when the society does not seem welcoming of your ambitions, remind yourself that you have all the qualities within you to follow your calling with full throttle….and the world will eventually respect your views. The path to your destination is not easy, it has never been! But I want to be assured my lady friends, that you have made your own choice of destination without any outside influence. And making your own choices and going after it, makes you responsible, independent and a happy you! Be what you want to be! Be you! Be the woman you are meant to be!

Check out other great articles from Being a Woman

 

The Wild Ones by Ryan Fu (The Hated Ones)

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“Bro, how more of these assholes are we going to see this week? I’m getting tired of these losers,” Angello tells me in his thick Argentine accent.

“Dude, we need a replacement for the other cocksucker we fired last week,” telling Picco as I text the new recruit on our whereabouts.

“Bro, that dude sucked dick and not in a good way.”

“I know. He was too much of a stoner. We need someone dependable and trustworthy. We need a killer on the crew.”

“Yeah, he must have a tight butthole, so I can fuck him I’m the ass.”

“Good point. I’ll ask him during the interview.”

It was late in the afternoon in the last week of October as we wait for new candidate on Robertson Blvd. I stand outside off my truck in front of the Newsroom as Angello edits and uploads pictures, while at the same time watching nugget porn. I look up and down the street trying to spot this fool, then I saw young punk walking my way. This kid was shorter than I was in his Ed Hardy shirt, camouflage cargo shorts and backwards baseball cap. At least, I didn’t have to tell him how to dress like a douchebag cause he already got that down.

“Yo, Angello. Check out the new dude.”

Picco stops watching pornography on his laptop for a sec to check out the kid, “this little piece of chit. No Ryan, don’t hire this weak asshole, he probably doesn’t even have a tight butthole.”

“Let’s give him chance, then if he sucks you can find out if he does have tight butthole or not.”

“Hey, do you know where the Newsroom is?” The new guy asks me as I point to the huge ass sign next to him. “Oh, duh.”

“Andy right?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

“You got a strong aura around you. The name is Fu, I’ll be training you today to see if you can make the cut.”

“Great. I’m super pumped up for this cause I’ve been a fan of you guys for a while now and I love celebrities.”

“First off, I don’t give a fuck if you love celebrities because they don’t give a fuck about you. Second, what did you do before you decided you wanted to be scumbag?”

“Well, ugh, I was or I’m still in school for photography. I’ve been in school for the last two years learning about photography.”

“Well that’s a waste of time, especially on this job. Listen up, rook, you just need to learn these three settings to work this job, which the rest of it is just instincts and hard work.” I give Andy the 411 immediately about the position telling him straight up that this was not going to be an easy job, which it was portrayed on tv as I hand him the camera for the first time showing him the settings.

Andy picks up on the settings immediately as I show him how to shoot these celebrities on long and short lens. He struggles with it because he’s not used to his subjects not wanting to be shot as he has to learn fast on the fly. I put him through the ring trying to overload as much of information onto him, so I can see if he remembered what I showed him just moments ago. In this business you gotta be quick on your feet because just like in life there are no dress rehearsals, you’re going to have to deal what is coming at you in a moments notice. This was true for me in the military and it still rings true to me now as a paparazzi.

“You ready to get your feet wet rookie?” Telling Andy to get ready as I spot Paris Hilton walking down the street. “Go shoot that girl!”

“Who is she?”

“Just shoot asshole,” Angello screams at Andy as he storms out of the truck with his camera towards Paris.

“It’s Paris Hilton.”

“Oh, I know her.”

“That’s great Andy. Now run over there and shoot the shit out of her and don’t drop my fucking camera,” yelling at Andy as he runs over towards Paris with Angello.

I check out Andy as he crosses the busy street on Robertson Blvd to join Angello with the other paps shooting Paris. I notice that he checks out his settings before shooting her, getting in the perfect position to shoot her as they get into a store. Angello tells Andy to change his settings to shoot her inside the store, which he does without any help from me. Andy shoots Paris changing his position each time for a better angle, which it looked like at this point, the short amount of training actually sunk somewhere in his brain because I was really impressed with this young kid, the way he used all the things that I just showed him just moments ago. He changes his settings again being in the correct position as Paris leaves the store getting into her custom Pink Bentley.

Angello and Andy run back to the truck as Angello slaps Andy’s butt, which I could see Andy was really excited afterwards with his big ass smile.

“How did you do?”

“I think I did alright?”

“He was fucking amazing,” Angello tells me quickly editing and uploading to the network.

I point to Angello on his laptop, “listen Andy, in this business, you’re either first or your last. We must send our images out quickly to be the first dogs to dinner table. If you don’t shoot, then you don’t get fed.” Andy understands what I’m saying as I check out his pictures. “There aren’t that bad but you need to calm down a bit and focus on the shoot because some of these aren’t sharp from sharp malaka, but other than that I think Angello and I are really impressed with you kid.”

“You got a really tight butt,” Angello tells Andy without even looking at him working on pictures.

“You want to shoot some more,” I tell Andy but I could already tell that his kid was already hooked because it was the same look I had when I had with my first experience being a paparazzi. I was a brand new vampire thirsty for more blood, which I was going to give to Andy.

“Fuck yeah! But I had a question. What if they don’t want to be shot? Like they put their head down or cover up, do we still keep shooting?”

Angello stops what he is doing staring at Andy as I take of my sunglasses giving Andy my serious look. “You never stop shooting.”

“You never stop shooting asshole!” Angello shouts out before going back to his work.

“We never stop until the job is complete. If they try to hide or cover up, just keep trying out different angles and keep shooting until they give up and show they’re faces. This is the difference between a good pap and a great pap. What are you willing to do to get that money shot.”

“Money shot?”

“Yeah, Andy the Money Shot. This is the main reason why we are all here. It’s not like we give a fuck about these celebrities, I mean some of them are cool but they don’t pay our bills and I certainly don’t give a fuck about photography. I just want the money motherfucker, lots of money motherfucker, which you can potentially make if you learn your job, be a hard worker and are willing to do what other paps won’t do, then you’ll be making huge money in no time.”

Chuck walks back to the truck from the bathroom missing all the action again.

“What did I miss y’all?”

“Jesus, Charlie did you fall in the toilet. You masturbate too long,” Angello jokingly tells Chuck.

“You missed Paris.”

“Ah, I love Paris. My bad guys, I was taking a shit and it was a lot. You ever take a shit and it doesn’t stop coming. It just came out of me like a brown volcano.”

“You’re butthole must be like a black hole mang.”

“You don’t give a shit about Paris.”

“Yeah, you’re right but it would have been funny video talking to her about my shit. Who’s this?”

“This is the new recruit.”

“Hi, my name is Andy.”

“Hi there, name is Charles. Did you shoot Paris as well?”

“Yeah, he did, which I gotta tell you he did a better job on his first time than you did Chuck.”

“Well, it’s because I don’t give a fuck.”

“I already gathered that, thanks buddy,” I tell Chuck as he gets into the truck with Angello.

“Don’t point that asshole at me mang, it’s still dangerous.” Angells tells Charles as both of them start laughing in the back of the truck.

“Well, you ready to kill more celebrities?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, then get into the truck and enjoy the ride.”

Andy gets into the truck with the rest of the animals as I find more celebrities for him to shoot, which he starts to act like a season vet with every set he shoots being more comfortable with himself along with the camera. It’s around dusk before we head into a Halloween shop on Sunset Blvd looking for fun costumes?

“Are we going to a Halloween party?” Andy asks me kinda confused why we were doing here instead of shooting celebrities.

“Well, sometimes when you can’t get the “money shot”, you must be willing to create the “money shot.” I tell Andy as he gives me the confused look. “Listen, people only give you the big time money if there is actually a story behind the pictures we take like Britney going insane or Lindsay crashing her car. People love that shit when something is going crazy with the celebrity, so this is why we are here young padawan.”

“I’m still confused.”

“I found it!” Angello tells me bring the costume towards us.

“This is perfect,” telling Angello as Charles walks over.”

“Fuck no. This shit it too small for my fat ass,” Chuck tells me in anger.

“This is why it’s perfect for you.”

“What?”

“You have to show that fat black ass Charlie,” Angello tells Charles slapping his butt as we head towards the cash register.

“You sure this is going to work?”

“Fuck yeah. It’s going to be hysterical and epic,” telling Charles trying to reassure him that this was a good move as he finally agrees with my plans.

“What are we doing again?” Andy asks me being totally confused on what was going on?

“Don’t worry kid, it’s going to make sense in a sec.”

We purchase the costume and head to the truck driving to our next destination as Angello drives and Charles changes into his costume in the back of the truck.

“You don’t mind sexy black men getting naked in front of you right Andy?” Angello asks Andy as Charles and Angello start laughing.

“This shit is too tight motherfucker.” Charles tells me trying to fit into the costume.

“Just try to not rip it, so I can bring it back you bastard.”

“I still don’t know the plan, bro?” Andy asks me.

“Listen, see these stupid milkshake flyers. Well, we are getting $50 dollars every time the celebrity or any pictures with this flyer is shown. So, this is why we got a costume for Chuck to make it even a bigger story, so we can make more money. You get now?”

“Yeah. If the money shot isn’t there, then you create the money shot.”

“Bingo, young Jedi. We must all embrace the darkside,” I tell Andy as he gives me his big ass schoolboy smile again.

“We’re here assholes,” Angello tells us parking close to the spot, which was Madeo, a very popular eatery on Melrose Ave close to Paparazzi Alley, where celebrities like to eat and paparazzi like to congregate waiting for celebrities. We got a tip from the valet that there were a couple of stars having dinner there, so we get ready in the truck before the shit goes down.

“Listen, Chuck. The only way that this will work, if you get into fucking character. You must believe that you are the super hero inside that tight ass red and blue costume. You must believe that you are saving the celebrities from the evil paparazzi. You must the Black Captain America. You must save everyone and make us lots of money. You ready?”

“Fuck yeah,” Chuck screams at us grabbing his Captain America shield along with the very valuable flyers as we bust out of the truck, charging towards Madeos acting like a bunch of wild animals hungry to get paid, which we could see the paparazzi are shooting a celebrity coming out of restaurant.

It was Susan Lucci, she was a soap opera star but at the moment she was on Dancing with the Stars, but we didn’t give a fuck because she was about meet the Wild Bunch. We storm on the busy street of Melrose already making our presences felt shooting our cameras in the air like a bunch of insane cowboys as the Black Captain America tries to save Miss Lucci from the savages with the cameras.

Charles was first on the scene pushing through the crowd of the photographers getting into the front with his tight blue Captain America costume. At first, Miss Lucci didn’t notice him but it didn’t take long before she saw this huge black man in a Captain America costume in front of here taking pictures of her. Everyone started laughing, including me as I was trying to film the insanity but I was too busy laughing at Charles because he looked so funny in a tight as Captain America costume, which you could see his back fat coming out of his costume because he was so fat. But this didn’t deter Chuck at all because he knew what we all knew that night, which was this was the “money shot.” A crazy ass fan with a funny Halloween costume next to America’s sweetheart, which Angello and I knew that this was going to sell as I could see in the corner of my eye, Angello shooting the shit of Charles and Miss Lucci, laughing his ass of but still getting the job, which to my surprise I see Andy right in the middle of the pack with his big ass smile shooting having a great time.

“Chuck show her the flyer!”

Charles spaces out for a bit, which he sometimes does before shoving the flyer in the face of Miss Lucci as she is a bit surprise and maybe a little bit threatened but it did get the job done as she grabs the flyer standing right next to the black Captain America.

BOOM! The Money Shot.

We keep on shooting until we mercifully let her walk into her car as Chuck gracefully puts a milkshake flyer on her car window as Angello takes the last shot of her with the flyer. Ca-Ching! Mission accomplished I thought still filming the chaos as I could see Angello chasing Charles around trying to put the rest of the flyers down his costume pants as we all started saying,

“The Wild Bunch! The Wild Bunch! The Wild Bunch!”

I turn to Andy with his big ass smile on his face, “So, what do you think? Do you want the job?”

“Are you kidding me? Fuck yeah I do!” Andy excitingly tells me shaking my hand in an agreement.

“Welcome to the Wild Bunch kid.”

Captain America Pluggin Millions of Milkshakes to Susan Lucci

RYAN FU

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