by Ryan Fu •
At first glance, these two people seem doomed to failure.He was born in poverty. When his mother died, he dropped out of school to work. He taught himself to read, worked at a series of jobs, and opened a general store with a friend. But his friend was an alcoholic who died, leaving him so deeply in debt he had to auction off all his possessions. He studied law, began practicing, ran for Congress, lost, was elected, then voted out of office. He ran for the Senate, but was defeated twice in a row. Elected president of the United States in 1860, Abraham Lincoln rose above adversity to become one of our nation’s greatest leaders.
She was raised in a dysfunctional family. Her mother rejected her, ridiculing her as “ugly.” Her father was an unstable alcoholic. Bothparents died by the time she was 10, so she went to live with her maternal grandmother and two alcoholic uncles. At 15, she went away to high school, where a wiseteacher recognized and nurtured her strengths. She married a distant cousin, who was later disabled by polio, yet became one of our greatest presidents. Throughout her life, Eleanor Roosevelt persevered, writing, teaching, working ardently for social justice, and after Franklin Roosevelt’s death, served as chair of the United Nations Human Rights Commission, drafting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
For non-apologists, saying “I’m sorry” carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:
- Admissions of wrong doing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.
- Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can open the door instead to shame. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes them feel bad about their selves—who they are—which makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.
- While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.
- Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability—if arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.
By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct. However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case), will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.
Credit: Psychology Today
Full speech & presentation of Stuart Scott receiving the 2014 Jimmy V Perseverance Award.
In this feature, he shares his emotional battle with cancer and follows Jimmy V’s motto to never give up.
Stuart was diagnosed with appendiceal cancer in 2007 and then it came back two years later. Currently, he is still undergoing treatment. He was hospitalized in the last 10 days. 7 day stay in the hospital due to liver complications and kidney failure and 4 surgeries in 7 days. Until a few day’s ago his future was uncertain…
During Stuart’s speech, he talked about living life to the fullest while you’re alive. He also said that it’s about leaning on others for help and not just fighting the battle alone. Stuart even brought his youngest daughter on stage to give her a hug, it was incredibly moving.
What a truly and powerful speech delivered at the 2014 Espy’s.
Show’s us all what is possible even in the face of death!
The United States of America is not for black people. We know this, and then we put it out of our minds, and then something happens to remind us. Saturday, in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson, Mo., something like that happened: An unarmed 18-year-old black man was executed by police in broad daylight.
By now, what’s happening in Ferguson is about so many second-order issues—systemic racism, the militarization of police work, and how citizens can redress grievances, among other things—that it’s worth remembering what actually happened here.
Michael Brown was walking down the middle of the street in Ferguson’s Canfield Green apartment complex around noon on Saturday with his friend Dorin Johnson when the two were approached by a police officer in a police truck. The officer exchanged words with the boys. The officer attempted to get out of his car. At this point, two narratives split.
According to the still-unnamed officer, one of the two boys shoved him back into the vehicle and then wrestled for his sidearm, discharging one shot into the cabin. The two ran, and the police officer once again stepped from his vehicle and shot at the fleeing teenagers multiple times, killing Brown.
According to Johnson and other eye witnesses, however, the cop ordered the friends to “get the fuck on the sidewalk,” but the teenagers said they had almost reached their destination. That’s when the officer slammed his door open so hard that it bounced off of Brown and closed again. The cop then reached out and grabbed Brown by the neck, then by the shirt.
“I’m gonna shoot you,” the cop said.
The cop shot him once, but Brown pulled away, and the pair were still able to run away together. The officer fired again. Johnson ducked behind a car, but the cop’s second shot caused Brown to stop about 35 feet away from the cruiser, still within touching distance of Johnson. Multiple witnesses say this is when Brown raised his hands in the air to show he was unarmed. Johnson remembered that Brown also said, “I don’t have a gun, stop shooting!” The officer then shot him dead.
After that, the narratives dovetail again. Brown was left where he died, baking in the Missouri heat for hours, before he was removed by authorities. The officer was placed on paid administrative leave.
Credit: Greg Howard
Read the rest of the article at The Concourse