by Ryan Fu •
This film expands the Marvel Cinematic Universe into the cosmos, where brash adventurer Peter Quill finds himself the object of an unrelenting bounty hunt after stealing a mysterious orb coveted by Ronan, a powerful villain with ambitions that threaten the entire universe. To evade the ever-persistent Ronan, Quill is forced into an uneasy truce with a quartet of disparate misfits-Rocket, a gun-toting raccoon, Groot, a tree-like humanoid, the deadly and enigmatic Gamora and the revenge-driven Drax the Destroyer. But when Quill discovers the true power of the orb and the menace it poses to the cosmos, he must do his best to rally his ragtag rivals for a last, desperate stand-with the galaxy’s fate in the balance.
I saw it the other day before I went to work, which I was quite excited to see it because I heard a lot of great reviews about the film. Even a theater fire couldn’t stop me from watching the movie, well kinda. In a packed theater in the morning, we were all just 30 minutes into the movie, which I might add was quite enjoyable, then fire alarm went off! I was so into the movie because it didn’t take itself seriously like other Marvel films do, which I think Ironman is so relatable and likable to many people as opposed to other Marvel films because in the end of the day it’s just a movie about a comic book character. (I just lost a few comic book nerds with that line but I digress.)
The fire alarm went off, the lights went flashing on and a voice came on the PA telling us to evacuate the building but we were all like “fuck that!” We were all having a blast watching the movie that we weren’t going to leave until we all saw smoke. But 15 mins later, sitting still watching the movie with the flashing fire alarms and PA system telling us we were in danger, the manager turned off the screen and physically told is to leave the theater because of the fire alarm. Adults and children inside of the movie theater made a collective “ahhhh” because we were all having fun. We stood outside the theater for like 10 mins until we were told to go back in and they re-started the film to where they stopped it and our adventure continued.
Chris Pratt was a perfect leading man in this film because he isn’t your typical leading man, I mean he is good looking with muscles but he has the everyman quality in which everyone likes to be around. Plus, he’s funny as shit, which was why I thought he was one of the best part of the movie and I’m super happy that he’s starting to get recognize as a viable leading man in Hollywood because he deserves it. I’ve met him a couple times while working and he was always respectful and cool. Anyways, long story short, he deserves an Oscar for this performance just kidding I think Vin Diesel should get that or at least a nomination for his voice as Groot.
Don’t get me wrong everyone in the movie played a terrific part in the movie with Chris Pratt such as Zoe Saldana, Lee Pace, Dave Batista and Karen Gillan. Zoe essentially played her part again in Avatar but it worked for her and Karen Gillan played a sexy villan. Dave Batista played a wonderful bruiser and Lee Pace, the antagonist playing Ronan the Accuser, just plays guys who want “Power” but then gets crushed in the end in such a convincing manner. I also like Bradley Cooper as the voice of hot-tempered Rocket, which he is the only one to translate for his BFF Groot, which was played by Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel had only three words he had to say the movie, which was, “I am Groot.”
But it was enough because he was the best character in the movie and at one point I got so emotional because his character so lovable, I didn’t want to see him die. But I know you guys want to read that I cried but I didn’t damn it! I’m a man watching a Marvel Comic film and dudes don’t do that. But that’s beside the point, which I’m trying to make. Even if you’re not a big comic/ sci-fi fan, you should still go watch Guardians of the Galaxy because you’re going to have a good time. Also, you might cry, which is alright because, “We are all Groot.” ;)
Tonight, a bunch of us celebrated my friend’s birthday by going to Korean BBQ. We were all having a good time eating, drinking and laughing about our problems over a flame just like the kids in the Lord of the Flies, just being good friends. But when the time came to pay the bill, it all changed because one guys at the table had their ATM card declined. Fortunately, the guy went to the bathroom, so when they brought his card back to the table to explain to us that his card had “no funds” to save his embarrassment. It took only a couple of seconds before a few guys at the table started to turn on the guy, yelling that he was bum. Then someone shouted,“we should cut his ATM card then throw it in the fire.” It was just like in Lord of the Flies, where we all decided we should kill Ralph because the group wanted it. I have to admit I was caught up in it even though I knew it was totally fucked up. It was like we all turned into a bunch of savages and we wanted to destroy something. It just goes to show you that it doesn’t take much these days before, we as men revert back to state of nature, which of course NATURE always wins.
We hold up his card over the fiery Korean BBQ grill like a ritual, getting ready to cut and kill his card. All of us shouting and yelling like a bunch of blood thirsty savages. The Asian people around us were getting worried, which we were told in the end, “we are starting to get complaints, so we need to leave.” They were totally right that we should have been thrown out of the restaurant because we acted like animals. We lost ourselves, we turned our back on our brother, we succumbed to peer pressure as we all failed humanity once again. Just weeds in the Garden of Eden as we all take a bite of the apple, which in this case was a pig. All Hail Beelzebub!
We finally gut the pig and put it on a spike for the whole world to see that the mob rules and chaos is ruthless but fair. In one motion, we cut the card like it was butter and social media it all over the net for the whole world to see. After we kill the card, we place it over the grill and do a mandatory picture of our victorious trophy. We pat each other on the backs like we were on the battlefield as we finally pay the bill and to the joy of the restaurant patrons, we leave the establishment. We all walk out before the guy comes back to the table to realize that his card and his ego was cut into two. You would think that cutting his card was the worse thing that we could have possibly done to the guy but the worse thing was pretending that nothing happened while we were all waiting outside of the valet for our cars. The dude was like Ralph, casted out of the group for nothing he did personally but because he was going against the group’s ideology.
I’m sadden and ashamed for all of us because as far as the human race has come, we can still go back to a state of nature, where the weak gets punished and mob mentality rules. I personally have to say that I’m sorry to the dude and the human race for our actions tonight but can you really blame us? No matter how civil and cool we act to one another in this present day of age, there is still that animal inside of us. The part that wants to fight and fuck everything. The dog inside of us. Where we just want to be part of the pack to hunt and kill things. So, let this be a reminder to all of you if you think you are above the human carnage that is our ancestors, which is a part of our history.
Scarlett Johansson stars in Lucy, an action-thriller that tracks a woman that gets accidentally caught in a dark deal, who turns the tables on her captors and transforms into a merciless warrior evolved beyond human logic. I actually saw this film last weekend but I just finally had the time to write a review on it, but basically I thought it was an enjoyable film with good performances by Scarlett Johansson and Morgan Freeman but some of it seemed pretty unrealistic, but what do you expect from watching a science fiction movie. It did have great philosophical ideas like what if you had the power to know everything? Would you try to know everything or would you be too scared of it?
After Scarlett becomes a drug mule for the mob, she winds up with superpowers after an experimental drug called CPH4 overloads her brain. She begins to start using more and more of brain, gaining more knowledge and superhuman capabilities. Since, basically she is one of her kind, she needs the help of Morgan Freeman because he is the best known for his brain research. Scarlett tells him that she gained the ability to access more parts of her brain but she fears that she has a limited time on her hands, so she needs guidance from him on what to do? Morgan honestly tells her that she should try to learn everything she can and pass it on to the next generation because Morgan believes that is the greatest gift that humans can give to one another, which I totally agree with because as I always say, “Knowledge is Power.”
She gets more of the experimental drug and takes it all at once like some college sorority chick after finals. She begins to transform and extract vast information like a super computer. As she gets closer to 100% brain capacity she begins to travel through time and space, moving into the past and the future, stopping and reversing as she wishes. When she hits her peak, she vaporizes into thin air leaving only her clothes and a reminder of what she learned on a USB storage stick to give to Morgan Freeman.
Once again, I totally enjoyed the movie, which I thought Scarlett and Morgan did a terrific job but some of it seemed pretty unrealistic but what do you expect when you’re talking about something nobody has ever really experienced before. Which lead me to this question? What if you did have the power to know everything? What would you do with it? Also, the movie brought up interesting questions about the human race as such as what we’ve done the last 2 billion years. We’ve accomplished a lot but are we not realizing our full potential? We still act like animals, fighting among ourselves for meaningless things. It just makes you think, what are you here for in life? Are you just here just to go to school, get a job, get married have children, pay a mortgage then die? Or are you here on Earth in this Universe to do something more in your life? These are the questions you have to ask yourself or just bask in the glory of ignorance and just enjoy the ride.
July 14th is National Nude Day! WHAT???? Yes, it’s true!!!
National Nude Day is a way to keep cool on a hot , sticky summer day. Nudist groups around the world celebrate this holiday and take it quite seriously! Nudist’s are not perverts…even though their desire to go “au natural” might be offensive to the conservative population! Nudist’s are individuals who believe the human body is most beautiful in their natural state. Whether or not you agree with them, nudist’s encourage people to strut their stuff.
The word douchebag is one of the great words in the English vernacular. It says so much in just two syllables. Douchebag started out as an actual product but has morphed into a whole of meaning. It’s a label that tells you everything you need to know right at the away. You don’t refer to someone as a douchebag and ever have anyone ask what that means, everyone knows all they need to know.
Urban Dictionary says a douchebag is someone who has surpassed levels of jerk and asshole but is not yet a motherfucker. It’s a brilliant way to describe a douchebag, because most douchebags are harmless creatures who exist only to annoy and frustrate. Of course many douchebags become more than just mosquitoes, their bites start to hurt, and over time a douchebag can evolve into something much worse.
One of these reasons why we decided to do this article on douchbags is because I saw a photo of Justin Bieber taking multiple selfies of himself kinda working out without his shirt. When I saw that, my immediate response was, “what a douche!” But not in a negative way but rather like this guy is willing to do anything get any press for himself.
This is one of the many qualities that a douchebag has, and here are other examples on how to be a douchebag?:
- You do annoying Selfies usually with your shirt off
- You pretend that your a Pimp surrounding yourself with a lot of fake ass bitches
- You Flash your Wealth as much as you can (Money, cars, houses, boats, etc.)
- Your a Media Whore aka Bieber- You need be in the Public Eye constantly
- Your a Social Media Whore- You need to constantly need to post or write something on your Social Media Network
- You have a fake tan
- You have a barb wire tattoo
- You have a tattoo of your name on your body (Just in case you forget)
- You still wear Ed Hardy gear
- You consistently talk about how much you love your life and how much money you make?
- Acting or dressing like a rock star
- Your motto is Ho’s before Bro’s
- If your Chris Angel
- Popped Collars
- Dudes who have fake balls on their trucks
- Wearing a Visor (Half hats)
- Too much hair gel or Frosted Tips
- Weird Piercings ( Nipple, Navel, Eyebrows, Penis Piercings are Cool)
THE TEN BIGGEST DOUCHEBAGS OF ALL TIME
10. MARK SYKES.
Look the name up, go ahead, take a few moments, because I’m sure the name isn’t familiar to most, but the actions he took a century ago have managed to affect us every day. Sykes wasn’t a Prime Minister, Foreign Secretary, in fact he never held any elected posts. No he was just a lonely Foreign Service worker who at the end of World War 1 help decide which countries would be ruled by which kings in the Middle East. In one fell swoop he managed to create Arab hostility over the interference if western hands in their affairs, piss off Jewish dreams of a homeland, and lay the seed for conflict that still continues. He created Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Lebanon and all the other wonderful countries that have oil underneath their sand. Sykes is such a douche he is forgotten by history and yet his work remains.
Pontus Pilate decided he was going to release one of his prisoner. One condemned soul would be freed to live his life. Barabbas was the douchebag that was chosen instead of Jesus. Of course if Jesus doesn’t get crucified and do his whole first I’m dead now I’m not trick, Jesus doesn’t get to spread his message. Jesus was only 33, he could have been spared, spent the next 10 years preaching his hippy shit of love and peace and then been crucified so he could do his trick, but instead Barabbas got to go free. How did he spend his later years, the same way he spent his first, doing nothing, way to live up to your freedom.
8. VINNY TESTAVERDE
This is hard one to pick because Vinny did go to the U (University of Miami), but he also gave me my biggest gambling lose ever. He was leading the Jets to another awful season and finish with a last season game against Seattle. I was battling for last place in my football pool, a lot of money was on the line for whoever was lucky to finish dead last. It came down to the Jets, the team I bet, hoping they would actually lose, and that lost would win me money. It wasn’t really a hope, the Jets had played like shit since 1970 so I was feeling good, until at the end of the game Vinny leads the team down and dives for the winning touchdown. Besides the fact that he actually never made the endzone, Vinny never ran for tds, until the day I needed him to lose. Douche
7. ANYONE OSCAR VOTER WHO VOTED FOR KEVIN COSTNER AND DANCES WITH WOLVES FOR BEST PICTURE AND FIRECTOR OVER GOODFELLAS AND MARTIN SCORSSESE.
This doesn’t need to be explained.
Technically Stalin is more of an asshole monster, but for all his mass genocides and indiscriminate destruction, beneath it all was a true douchebag. The type of guy who fucks up, but instead of accepting the blame kills a million people including the people who helped him fuck up then proceeds to blame those people for the fuck up. He also sent most of his family off to Siberia in exile, but for all of Stalins shit, he never cost me money, like Vinny T.
5. HENRY KISSINGER
LBJ sends this little rat to Paris in 67 to try and make peace with Vietnam. He is part of a team that irons out all the plans and gets ready to end the war in 1968. Kissinger then tells Nixon about this, Nixon gets in touch with the South Vietnamese tells them hold out for a better deal and when I am elected I will get you it. Kissinger doesn’t tell LBJ he is sinking the plan, but soon the peace talks end, Nixon gets elected, and Kissinger becomes he loyal man bitch. The war in Vietnam continues, war comes to Laos, Cambodia and finally Chile. 5 years later Kissinger wins a Nobel prize for bringing about peace in Vietnam, of course he negotiated the exact same plan as before, except now the war has gone on 5 more years and cost more lives.
4. JOHN WILKES BOOTH
Lincoln wins the Civil War, frees the slaves and dies at a fucking musical. Booth took away the person who could have truly changed society, douchebag.
3. MARK DAVID CHAMPAN
Speaking of people who took away great people from the world. How can you shoot John Fucking Lennon, seriously I don’t care how crazy you are, or how many times you read Catcher In The Rye, it’s still Lennon. Plus like the great Bill Hicks said and then had stolen when he was dead by Dennis Leary, how can you put 7 bullets into Lennon and use none for Yoko Ono who was standing next to him? Also why not shoot Michael Jackson? Christ if MJ dies in the 80s before he molests kids his death is truly sad, so thanks Douchebag.
2. CHRIS BROWN
I’m sorry only a douchebag beats the shit out of Rhianna like that. Only a douchebag does that and shows no remorse. Only a douchebag like this would be viewed by some as a hero. Chris Brown is Ike Turner on a bad dad, least Ike played a mean guitar.
1. DONALD RUMSFELD
In the coming years Donald’s douchebag rating will only rise, as people get more time to look back and see how this man truly fucked up this world. He is Mark Sykes with an army, Stalin without the cunningness, and a Kissinger without the accent. Years from now people will read about the history of W Presidency and will paint Dick Cheney as the Darth Vader, Bush as the asshole and Rummy as the douchebag who planned a way but never thought to think about the peace. Great job taking over a country who had fought against Iran for decades and quickly turning it into Iran’s biggest friend. Good job expanding terrorism throughout the world and bringing jihad to every corner of this place. Good job letting hundreds of thousands die.
OTHERS MISSING CUT
ROCK BANDS WHO AFTER A GOOD ALBUM OR TWO DECIDE THEY ARE READY TO MAKE IMPORTANT MUSIC AND DECIDES TO CREATE A BLOATY CONCEPT ALBUM