Intelligence Team by Ryan Fu (Happy Independence Day!!!)

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“I’m never drinking again,” said Seth.

As we tried to get our shit together after another night of debauchery with the crew inside C.I.C (Combat Intelligence Central) still pretty drunk from the night before. Good thing C.I.C was a dark place with the latest high-tech gadgets monitoring terrorist activities around the world but I was just super glad there wasn’t any bright lights to show any incriminating evidence on our faces.

“Seth, do you have a black eye?”

 “What? When the hell did that happen.”

“It was probably when you got punch by that gay Arabian guy at that super gay club,” said Skuba. 

“What?” from a very confused Seth.

“Listen. I did want tell you but when you get black out drunk you kinda turn gay, which is cool, I mean we don’t ask but don’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, you pulled us into this real dark club with bunch of Arabian dudes making out then you got into fight with this really hairy dude with his shirt off talking about marrying his camel or something,” said Skuba as he was eating a bag of tuna.

“What the fuck?” said Seth. 

“Oh yeah, I remember now it was right after we got kicked out of our hotel because we trashed our whole floor.” 

“Are you sure it wasn’t after we started a fight with those Army cunts at Planet Hollywood,” asking Skuba.

“Wild Turkey should be banned from public consumption,” said Seth having a look of regret.

“Why the hell are you eating that bag of tuna?” Looking at Skuba.

“Because dolphins are smart and it’s making me smarter,” confidently said by Skuba.

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 “You do realize Dolphins don’t eat themselves,” as Seth eats a bag of oats trying to put some kinda of food down his stomach.

 “Is that why you’re eating that bag of oats?” I ask Seth.

“Of course not. I’m a thoroughbred. I need oats to feel strong,” stuffing half a bag of oats without water down his mouth.

“Duh asshole. I’m a dolphin, Seth is a horse and you’re an asshole,” said Skuba eating his bag of tuna.

What the fuck is the matter with us as I thought looking my crew inside Combat Intelligence Central, which at the current moment the most intelligent thing about the room was all those expensive machines and certainly not the monkeys working on them.

“Alright stop with the tomfoolery,” shouted the Captain as he stepped into C.I.C as we stand in attention. Our cap was a former linebacker for “The” Ohio State University, which he was still big as a fridge and still aggressive as fuck. I respected him a lot but I could not shake off his Tom Selleck mustache. I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame, which I kept thinking what he would like in a Hawaiian shirt?

“Listen boys, these men are our high target priorities for this month. Please study these faces because they are Axes of Evil.”

As the Captain put up America’s Most Wanted on the War Board, I just kept thinking he’s perfect man for this post because we are a bunch of babies, who need a spanking but I just wished Steve Guttenberg was here to help us out. Fuck Ted Danson! 

“Your job men is explore, identity, evaluate, implement then execute. We are the architects that plan out the master plan then we execute putting the hammer down!”

We stand in attention again after that motivating speech as the Captain leaves C.I.C.

“You guys know what the hell Her Alibi was talking about,” asking Skuba.

“I think he was telling us get more tuna and oats at the commissary, then get some ice cream,” as Seth throws up his oats at the nearest trash can.

“I’m never drinking again,” said Seth holding the trashcan like his baby.

RYAN FU

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Train, Eat, Rest & Repeat – Benefits of drinking coffee before exercising

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The study basically simulated your average morning: a mug of coffee to wake up, a little gym time, another cup with breakfast, followed by lunch. Fourteen participants completed two moderate workouts on a stationary bike: one where they took caffeine (equal to two 8-ounce cups of coffee or 4 cups of black tea) 90 minutes before the workout, and one where they took a placebo. When caffeinated, the participants reported the ride as way easier than it was without the stimulant.

Coffee before Exercising:

1) Enhanced Performance 

Time and time again, caffeine has been proven to be a powerful ergogenic aid – that is, something which contributes to improved performance during high intensity exercise. 

Studies reveal that after caffeine consumption, athletes can train for much longer and with more power/speed.

2) Boosts Focus

A pre-workout cup o‘ Joe can also boost mental focus during exercise.

Combined with the increase in endurance and power/speed provided, this can lead to extremely productive workout sessions, as you huff and puff with the seeming intensity of an international athlete.

3) Accelerate Fat Loss

Another benefit of taking a cup of coffee prior to lacing up your trainers is that caffeine is proven to provide a range of fat loss benefits.

Coffee can help burn fat as, during exercise, it causes the body to use fat cells for energy as opposed to glycogen.

What’s more, a caffeine intake correlates with increase metabolism, which forces your body to burn more calories during the day, and it also suppresses appetite, satiating those cravings which are oh so bad for your waistline!  

4) Diminished Muscle Pain

Studies also show that a pre-workout injection of caffeine can lead to decreased muscle soreness when exercising.

So whether you’re pumping iron or racing down the tarmac, a cup of coffee will help you perform more reps and allow you to run for further with less muscular pain, resulting in a much more effective workout.

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Survival of the Fittest – Blue Eyes might lead to Alcoholism

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According to Yahoo News, people with blue eyes really run a higher risk of being alcoholics? A new study out of the University of Vermont suggests that the link not only exists, but it appears to be a genetic one. 

Reporting in the American Journal of Medical Genetics Part B: Neuropsychiatric Genetics, the researchers find that among European-Americans, those with light-colored eyes — described as ones that are green, gray, and brown in the center — have higher rates of alcohol dependency than Euro-Americans with dark brown eyes; that link is strongest in blue-eyed people. 

“We still don’t know the reason,” researcher Dawei Li says in a University of Vermont press release, but they do know that the very genes that determine eye color are situated along the same chromosome as genes that are known to be linked to alcohol dependency. 

It’s not the first time the eye color-alcohol link has been found: A 2000 study arrived at a similar conclusion, noting that among one sample set of women, dark-eyed females averaged 4.91 drinks in the last month to light-eyed females’ 5.78. 

Blue eyes also correlate with other attributes, including lower pain tolerance and higher competitiveness, reports Medical Daily. “This suggests an intriguing possibility — that eye color can be useful in the clinic for alcohol dependence diagnosis,” says lead researcher Arvis Sulovari. The researchers say these findings could help us better understand the roots of not only alcoholism but other psychiatric illnesses as well.

Check out our article on How to keep your Eyes Health

Poetry Mondays – 90210 by Ryan Fu (The Hated Ones)

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I fucking hate everyone here.

This whole city

can go to hell.

These old money,

trust fund fucks

with their lip injection

fake smiles.

More evil than

Jabba the Hut

with their botox shots,

treating everyone like cunts.

These men with their

power suits,

power lunches,

money is power types.

Guarded

&

protected by

high walls with racists pigs,

which even Mr. Orwell

would’ve been horrified with.

Keep hiding behind

your glass houses.

Cause I see through you,

I see all your cracks.

When the “Big One” hits

I hope it strikes here first,

swallowing this whole place

back down to hell.

If there is any justice left in the world,

it will happen.

If not, I’ll just keep

praying to Satan.

RYAN FU

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Happy National Almond Buttercrunch Day!!!

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National Almond Buttercrunch Day is observed annually on June 29th.  This unofficial national food holiday celebrates this toffee candy. Buttercrunch is a combination of toffee covered with chocolate. It has a crunchy texture and a caramel flavor. Variations on the recipe include toasted almond sprinkles.

Making buttercrunch calls for a good candy thermometer and some cooking experience. Creating the toffee involves caramelizing sugar at high temperatures, which requires precision, timing and the right tools and safety techniques for a successful outcome. Buttercrunch can be served on top of ice cream or on it’s own. Buttercrunch flavored cookies or cakes are other ways to enjoy the sweet treat.

The beginning of National Buttercrunch day is not well documented. However, a related food holiday, National Almond Butter Crunch Day is celebrated on June 29th. The crunchy candy, sometimes called just buttercrunch but other times referred to as almond buttercrunch, was made famous in World War II. A buttercrunch candy called Almond Roca, made by Brown and Haley was shipped in tins to U.S. troops overseas.

Photo Credit: National Days

Credit: National Day Calendar

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Case of the Mondays – Do you have Bitchy Resting Face?

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What is Bitchy Resting Face? Urban Dictionary describes it as a bitchy alternative to the usual blank look most people have. This is a condition affecting the facial muscles, suffered by millions of women worldwide. People suffering from bitchy resting face (BRF) have the tendency look hostile and/or judgemental at rest. Their expression does not necessarily reflect how they are feeling inside. BRF can ruin friendships and first impressions, start fights and kill an atmosphere.

“I think Deborah hates me!!”, “Nah don’t worry Susie, she just has a nasty bitchy resting face”

“That customer just lectured me on customer service and threatened to take her business elsewhere! What did I do wrong?” “Prob just your BRF”.

JASMINE’S YOGA & FITNESS

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True Detective – Episode 2 (Night Finds You) – Now is His Watch is Ended

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WRITTEN BY RYAN FU @FU_BEATZ

True Detective – Night Finds You

(Spoiler Alert) Jon Snow is still DEAD

First off, wow!!! Un-fucking believable!

This is probably the first time I’ll ever say this on a review but if you haven’t seen the episode, then don’t read this article because it will ruin your night or at the very least blow your fucking mind.

In the last episode of Three’s Company they find Mr. Roper’s body aka Casper on a bench, which he is dead as a ghost. Back at the office each law enforcement agency wants a piece of this investigation because each side has something riding on it. So, they have Ani (Rachel McAdams) be on point while Ray (Colin Farrell) is second on the case. I was very fascinated on the pairing between Rachel and Colin because both of them are equally good at what they do but both are equally fucked up. The dynamic duo lived up to my expectations as they were in the car having a contest on who was more “fucked up,” which believe it was a tie because Ray wasn’t going to get “Father of Year” as his wife is trying to get sole custody of his kid because of the tiny incident with kid, who bullied his son and Ani wasn’t going to get nominated at all for “Daughter of the Year” because of her hatred of her father and her porn obsession. I seriously thought this was the beginning of yet another beautifully fucked up relationship but as we get to the end, it’s more fucked up then Taylor Kitsch’s character.

In the jurisdiction nonsense for Casper’s investigation, Taylor’s character Paul Woodrugh gets an opportunity to prove himself once again trying to desperately get back to the CHP because without his job, his life is miserable. As we see with his unemployed white trash mom and his unempathetic whiny girlfriend, who wants to be in a normal relationship because she doesn’t get that he’s been in through some tough shit when he was in the service. Paul is not ready to share that part of himself with her because it’s too dark and evil, which he might just hate that part of himself even though it was one of the the reasons why it helped him get through those tough situations. But Paul doesn’t want to think about that and just wants to focus on his job because without it his life begins to unravel as we can see with Vince Vaughn character Frank Semyon.

In the beginning of the episode, Frank is having a midlife crisis in the early morning with his wife, Kissed by Fire played by the beautiful Kelly Reilly. We see how Frank became the man he is now with his papier-mâché story about his alcoholic father locking him down in the basement for a week as the rats try to eat him.

“It’s all papier-mâché.”

Or is it about all about the money? As we find out that with Casper’s death left Frank a very sizeable debt, which puts him in jeopardy with his bigger plan. But Frank is a man of will and he didn’t get to where he is in life by sitting on the sidelines as he puts it so eloquently,

“I’ll get it back. Every time.”

He gathers his troops to find out who took his money, making his thugs beat up suspects and meeting up old associates to find out more of Casper’s particular proclivities. Frank manages to find out that Casper had a “Fuck House,” which he makes Ray to check it out as they meet at up the bar because he’s a detective. But Ray seems to have a change of heart maybe because of the talk with his ex wife about how he used to be a decent man or the fact he might lose the only thing he loves in his life, his son. Or he’s just plain tired of leading a double life as he says he’s tired of it all. So, he doesn’t know why this relationship with Frank should exist anymore. But Frank doesn’t want to hear that shit. He wants fucking results because metaphorically he doesn’t want to be that kid back in the basement anymore with the rats chewing his hands. He can’t fail. He won’t let himself fail as he would go back to square one, to nothing.

This is the part of the article I would strongly suggest to turn back if you haven’t seen the show but if you’re a sucker for punishment, which you probably are if you read any of my shit, stop reading the rest of this.

Ray decides to go on Frank’s lead to Casper’s 2nd house where we can see in the foreground the same car that Casper’s body was transported in to the park bench. So, I immediately thought this can’t be good. As Ray starts to investigate Casper’s house, he sees evidence that something happen at this house with blood on the floor but before he could add anything up in his head, he gets blasted with presumably the same shotgun that Casper died from. Then the killer makes sure he doesn’t come back from the dead like White Walkers on Game of Thrones as he double taps Ray.

There were a lot of comparisons with Ray’s character and Jon Snow’s character in Game of Thrones, which if you didn’t watch the Season Finale a couple weeks ago, you should probably just stop read this article because you’re not going to like it either. Jon’s character died just like his father because they thought they were going the “right thing”, which usually leads to your death if your own a show where everyone is looking out for themselves. Another comparison is that both characters had all the opportunity in the world to walk away from their lives. A chance to live and go on a different path, but both characters had a sense of duty, which they had to fulfill because this is who they are down to the bone. Also, he was fucking killed by a guy with a Crow Mask!!!

Now both of their Watch Has is Ended. Which, I not sure if Colin’s character is really dead or not, but it’s still pretty ballsy writing to kill off your lead character. It’s definitely going to affect the story and how the show proceeds now but that’s the mark of a good show or any kind of good writing. The writers are willing to kill off favorite characters in order for the story to live. I can’t wait for the next episode of TD, which I’m hoping Ray is still alive as the Night King of the City of Vinci.

Fu’s Observations:

  • Did Vince have morning wood during that really depressing story about eating rats? He did eat rats you know, you can’t survive for a week without food.
  • I loved how they talked about the SPRAWL. Last season of TD, they used as a term to talk about the vast network of families and land in Louisiana, which this season I believe they’re going a great job showing us how fucking BIG Los Angeles is because it is a SPRAWL.
  • If you’re torturing a dude, just go for his penis. He’ll tell you anything you want.
  • The car scene with Ray and Ani was fucking hilarious as we get deeper with Ani’s character on why she has to protect herself with all her knives. In the first episode, when we first see Ani’s character, there were a bunch of Eastern Philosophy books about being a warrior and self defense books. One of these books was the Hagakure, the Way of the Warrior.
  • Colin’s best lines:

“E Cig is like sucking a robot’s dick.”

“I’m not tight with anybody.”

“A good beating promotes personal growth.”

“I support feminism,” after learning the Ani can kill any men in a minute or less.

“We get the world we deserve”

  • I almost turned off the tv because of the TMZ shot of Paul’s scandal with the Hollywood actress.
  • I personally think getting a blowjob from patron should not be grounds for employee punishment.
  • But Taylor’s character won that argument with his girlfriend by using that great method of turning the argument into the another person’s problem: “You’re doing this, I’m not doing this.”   Winning the conversation by taking out all the responsibility from your side. Choose your battles guys.
  • Two great characters we got to see this episode is the Asian guy from Dexter played C.S. Lee and Pedro Miguel Arce from the underrated show The Strain, which I highly recommend.
  • I want Pedro’s “Fuck You” grille
  • Does Rachel McAdam’s character into all kinds of porn? Would she be down for Nugget Porn? (Let the Goggling begin)
  • Once again the bar singer, who could have been a cast member of The Girl, Interrupted, Lera Lynn sets the mood every time with her hauntingly beautiful songs at the bar. Check out the interview she did with Vulture on how her songs got on TD: http://www.vulture.com/2015/06/lera-lynn-true-detective-singer.html
  • “I’ll comeback and butt fuck your father with your mom’s headless corpse …”  RIP (Maybe) Ray Velcoro

Check out our TD Season 2 Reviews

The Western Book of the Dead

Check out this performance from Kit Harington / Jon Snow singing for Ygritte

RYAN FU

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Happy Ceviche & Tapioca Day – How to Make Great Ceviche

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Tapioca Day is dedicated the starch that is extracted from Manioc, otherwise known as ‘Cassava’. This plant is most commonly known as the source of the translucent beads in Tapioca pudding. But while this is the most commonly known use of this substance, it has cultural significance around the world. It’s origins can be found in Brazil, where the cassava plant is called the mandioca, and it’s extracted starch is called Tapioca.

One little known fact about the Tapioca starch, is that when it’s extracted from the green branched variety of the plant, it is the source of a potent cyanide based poison, and must be processed to remove this before it becomes edible. Once this process is completed it is processed in different ways, which produces the spheres, flakes, or sticks.

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Ceviche, also written as cebiche or seviche, has long been a source of pride and even national identity in Peru. The cultural importance of the dish, which at its simplest consists of fresh raw fish marinated in citrus juice (typically lime), prompted the Peruvian government to recognize ceviche as part of Peru’s national heritage.

Photo Credit: Pinch my Salt, Life Ambrosia

Check out this video to How to Make Great Ceviche

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Artsy Fartsy – Best Buddies & AIDS Art (Keith Haring)

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Keith Haring was well known as an internationally famed artist as well as a social activist during his 31 years of life. Keith Haring was a talented pop artist who dedicated his career to bringing gay art and AIDS awareness to the masses. While many in the art world criticized the shop’s commercialism, Haring remained committed to sharing his work affordably with a diverse audience. He received a great deal of support from his friend and mentor, fellow pop artist Andy Warhol. 

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After being diagnosed with AIDS in 1988, Haring established the Keith Haring Foundation to raise money and provide art to AIDS organizations and children’s programs. Haring dedicated his art and the two last years of his life to creating awareness and fostering understanding about AIDS. In 2008, two of his brightly colored sculptures were added to UNAIDS “Art for AIDS” collection. Haring’s brief but intense career was only the beginning of his growth as a gay icon. His colorful, provocative, and socially-conscious images form an important part of the history of gay symbolism.

Credit: Revel and Riot

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