Epic Fail of the Week – When Cannonballs go Wrong

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Poem of the Day – The Man in the Mirror

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Written By Galo Ramirez Facebook

Some days I sit and think
How did I get here?
I’m so far down a road
I don’t recall I steered

There’s no going back
It’s been so many years
There’s been too many smiles
To drown in all those tears

Regardless of all the danger
I grew strong from fear
I thought I was a man
A man without ears

I didnt want to listen
My pride was in fifth gear
Now I sit here
And God is to my rear

Without God I was blind
With God I see clear
The devil is no lie
The truth, he’s out here

I break free from his chains
Dear Lord watch over me
Watch over my family
My enemies and peers

There is no coincidence
Why God bled tears
Its never too late to repent
God is forever here

Forget what happened yesterday
Your wounds will all heal
Just look at the mirror
And reflect who steered who here

Tre’s Kitchen – Tre’s Meat sauce Pasta and Sausage

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sausage-pasta

WRITTEN BY TRE SAUNDERS (UNCLE DUDES) FACEBOOK

Tre’s Meat sauce Pasta and Sausage

toes seeded and peeled


4 cloves of garlic crushed


1 tablespoon of time 
 

1 tablespoon of rosemary


1 tablespoon of oregano 

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3 carrots diced 1 onion diced d pepper to taste.


2 red and green bell pepper Julianed.

½ lb of ground pork or lamb


1/2 lb of ground beef


If your budget is willing use all three meats


4 slices of prosciutto rendered or bacon


10 Roma tomato

3 stalks of celery diced


1 lb Rigatoni


One and a half can of beef or chicken stock

Your choice of sausage

½ cup of red wine. Something that you like to drink

Please share and Enjoy!!!!

UNCLE DUDES

Swedish_poser

CATERING

CONTACT TRE @ FACEBOOK

What the hell are we doing? Dating in the Modern Age – (10 Stages in Relationships)

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Dating these days is a joke. And not a very funny one at that. I don’t know if it’s because our generation started dating before we hit puberty or whether the Kardashians of the world have ruined what was once a beautiful thing, but the truth is that dating these days is horrible.

Half the damn time you won’t even know if you’re actually dating or not. What was once explainable using a single digit binary code now requires the decimal system.

It’s no longer “Are you dating?” or “Are you not dating?” There are now different stages, one hardly distinguishable from the other – at least while on the inside.

Looking from the outside in, on the other hand, gives shape to the confusing and convoluted dating culture that we have created for ourselves. Here are the more easily recognizable stages:

1. The One-Night Stand.

Regardless of whether you met on the street, in a coffee shop, at your yoga class or in the park, the first date tallies up to one thing: either a successful or failed one-night stand.

It doesn’t matter what the initial intentions are – not as if you know what the other person’s intentions are anyway – on the first date you’re either sleeping together or not. Depending on the results of this stage, you’ll move on to stage 2.

2. The Second Glance.

Seeing as how you were probably highly intoxicated the first time around, you decide to see this person one more time. This decision is most likely the result of you not being certain whether or not the person was good in bed.

You managed to black out sometime in the middle of it all and can’t figure out whether the person was the best or worst sex of your life. Round 2 it is.

3. The Booty Call.

You have officially dubbed him/her, or have been dubbed, worthy of sexual pursuit. Congratulations! You can now move on to phase 3: the booty call. Now it is acceptable for you to text this person at odd hours, preferably when you’re intoxicated or about to be intoxicated, to come over.

In this stage, it isn’t recommended that you refrain from calling the person or see him/her without drinking heavily or taking drugs – it may be awkward. I mean, you’ve only been intimate a dozen times or so… slow down already.

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4. The Friend With Benefits.

This is the first stage when you actually matter to the person more than any other slab of meat would. You put in the time and effort, your liver has certainly paid for it and it is now time to finally get to know the person you’ve been having sex with all this time.

Talking is recommended, but beware of throwing any romance into the mix. You’re friends. Not lovers. Keep all the lovey-dovey romance stuff to yourself and, whatever you do, do not look him/her in the eyes when in the midst of coitus. When you’re done, finish with a firm handshake or a high five.

5. The Date.

Not sure how you did it – most never make it this far – but you did it… you are now going on your first official date. You’re not yet “dating” in the traditional sense, but you are going on dates.

I understand this can be confusing, but what about this process isn’t? The first couple of dates are crucial as they will decide whether or not you will be moving forward to the following stages or if the two of you will be “too busy” to see each other in coming weeks.

This is one of the trickiest stages as often it can lead to being bumped up a few stages ahead of schedule. Or, as I have already mentioned, it could be the end of the road.

6. The Fling.

After a couple of dates, it turns out that you aren’t really interested in each other. You enjoy sleeping with each other and even enjoy each other’s company, but you can’t see yourself together in the long run.

The feeling is mutual – you both know that whatever it is that the two of you have going on won’t last very long, but you decide that you want to have fun while it does. Flings are fun and usually harmless. However, this stage can look a lot like stage seven: the stepping-stone.

7. The Stepping-Stone.

This stage is like the fling stage with one critical difference: Only one of you knows that the relationship won’t last. While you might be beginning to consider the other a real partner, the other thinks of you as a means of getting into someone else’s pants.

Well, maybe not exactly a means of getting there, but a comfortable resting area while you look for a better watering hole. You like the sex and you even like the person you’re having sex with… you just don’t want to be with him/her for the long haul.

You consider this person a necessary stepping-stone before you can settle with the right person – or he/she considers you as such. One of you is going to get hurt after this process… but you may have skipped it entirely and moved on to stage 8.

8. The Backup.

You have now been dubbed – or vice versa – good enough to be with. Unfortunately, you’re not good enough to be with right now. You’re good enough to keep around in case things don’t work out with anyone else, but to date you, really date you, at the moment would be silly.

These sorts of relationships get incredibly complicated, neither party really knowing what is going on as neither wants to completely let go.

The good news is, you have a safety net to fall on in case nothing else works out. Or at least you do at the moment. No one wants to be a backup indefinitely.

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9. The Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

Wow. I mean, seriously. You should be proud of yourself. Making it all the way to official status in our day and age is impressive – well done. You can now throw on the romance and allow yourself to finally have feelings for the individual.

You can start to be yourself and begin to actually care for the person you have been “intimate” with for oh-so very long. The only thing that you should keep in mind is that getting here doesn’t guarantee that you graduate from the dating scene to marital status.

In fact, most relationships of such caliber fail miserably. But cheer up! You can at least update your Facebook status and make all your friends jealous!

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10. Lost In Translation.

This isn’t so much a stage as it is the platform holding all these stages. In this day and age just about everything gets lost in translation, but mostly because there is very little communication to actually translate.

Most people keep themselves closed off and sheltered, regardless of how intimate they’ve become with another person. Everybody is afraid to get hurt and afraid of possibly, inadvertently, giving up the opportunity to get into someone better’s pants.

Most of the time you won’t know what stage you’re in, were in or are headed to. You won’t be sure if the person cares about you or is only using you for amusement. The theory is that, with time, you’ll either find someone who won’t take you down this road.

Maybe it will come with maturity. Maybe you won’t be alone forever. Or maybe you’ll get to run through these stages for the rest of your life. No one knows! That’s half the fun!

Credit: Paul Hudson – Elite Daily

WANT TO LAUGH MORE? COMEDIANS TO LOOK OUT FOR IN 2014

 

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WRITTEN BY RYAN FU @FU_BEATZ

If one of your New Year’s Resolutions was to relieve stress, one of the best ways to relieve stress is to laugh. Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. Who better to make you laugh then people you pay to make you laugh: Comedians. Here is a list of up and coming comedians in no particular order to check out in 2014. The list of comedians were compilied by a REAL COMEDIANS not by a Facebook. Check them out and Laugh your Ass off in 2014!!!

“A tragedy is a tragedy, and at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid. Give me a choice and I’ll take A Midsummer Night’s Dream over Hamlet every time. Any fool with steady hands and a working set of lungs can build up a house of cards and then blow it down, but it takes a genius to make people laugh.”  ― Stephen King

Theo Von   Twitter @TheoVon

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Jerrold Carmichael  Twitter @NotoriousROD

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Adam Ray     Twitter @adamraycomedy 

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Rell Battle     Twitter @Rell Battle

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Roy Wood Jr.    Twitter @roywoodjr 

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Chris Delia  (Anyone that calls Justin Bieber on his Bullshit, is my dude!)       Twitter @chrisdelia

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Mychael Anthony     Twitter @manthonycomedy

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Check out Mike @ the HOLLYWOOD IMPROV Early Show EVERY FRIDAY Starting

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this Friday, Jan 3rd@ 6p.m. FREE just come whenever you can.

Also check for me on The TMZ Show every MONDAY!!

 

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WHY DO WE FALL? INSPIRATIONAL STORIES OF EPIC FAILURES

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 WHY DO WE FALL?

INSPIRATIONAL STORIES OF EPIC FAILURES

Written By Ryan Fu @fu_beatz

Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” –ALFRED

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Failed in business

Sweetheart died

Had nervous breakdown

Defeated for Speaker

Defeated for nomination for Congress

Defeated for U.S. Senate

Defeated for nomination for Vice President

Again defeated for U.S. Senate

Sounds like a LOSER right. Who was it?

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Abraham Lincoln our 16th President of the United States. As you can see Mr. Lincoln didn’t let his many, many failures get him down. If it did, he wouldn’t been president and had a great part of ending slavery. This article will show many stories just like this of people failing miserably, time in and time out but they didn’t give up on themselves. It’s all about believing in yourself, especially when the chips are down and everything around you is falling apart. When your friends and family don’t see your vision or you can’t see the horizon down the valley of success. These people didn’t know the word “no”, but they knew aboutdetermination, hard work, bravery and most importantly they had the heart of a Lion.

I believe you are where you are in life not because of luck, your family, or your environment. You are where you are because this where you put yourself. You can’t blame it on anyone else, but yourself because you put yourself here. But keep your head up because there is light at the end of the tunnel. These highly successful people in this article were in the same place you are right now. Nobody believed in them, they heard “no” a bunch of times but that didn’t deter them to succeed. Once again, if no one believes you, always remember to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

———————————————————————–

Thomas Edison

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The father of electricity, Mr. Edison, failed about 999 times to invent the lamp before he had success in doing it on the 1000th attempt. When people asked him how did you manage to keep going even though you were failing all the time he replied, “each time it didn’t work I used to say I discovered a new way how to not invent the lamp.”

Thomas Edison success story should make you conclude that failure should never stop you even if it occurred more than once.

Albert Eistein

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He didn’t speak till he was four and didn’t read till seven. His parents and teachers thought he was mentally handicapped. He only turned out to win a Nobel Prize and be the face of modern physics.

Jim Carrey

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Carrey and his family were poor and lived in a van. Carrey said it was during these tough financial times growing up when he developed a sense of humor. 

The comedian dropped out of high school and lived in a VW bus with his family parked in different places throughout Canada. They eventually moved into a tent on his older sister’s lawn and parked the van in the driveway.

Mark Zuckerberg

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Launched Facebook in 2004 at the age of 19, literally changing the way people communicate. Facebook and Zuckerberg’s name are always at the center of much controversy, yet it cannot be denied that Mark Zuckerberg had a radically new idea and did not shy away from investing time and effort in it, at a time when he couldn’t have possibly known if it would work.

By 2007, Facebook had made Mark Zuckerberg a billionaire and nowadays he is believed to own about $80 billion today.

Bill Gates

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Bill Gates the founder of Microsoft is one of the most inspirational business leaders living these days but do you know that his idea of creating a computer that has a graphical interface and a mouse was rejected when he first submitted it to another company? Some people even say that the papers of the project were thrown in his face!! Now he became Bill Gates!!

Vincent Van Gogh

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He only sold one painting in his lifetime!  Just one to a friend. Despite that he kept painting and finished over 800 pieces. Now everyone wants to buy them and his most expensive painting is valued at $142.7 million.

Halle Berry

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When she first moved to Chicago to become an actress, Berry ran out of money and her mother decided the best thing would not be to send her daughter money.

During these struggling times, the actress admits to staying in a homeless shelter.

“It taught me how to take care of myself and that I could live through any situation, even if it meant going to a shelter for a small stint, or living within my means, which were meager. I became a person who knows that I will always make my own way.”

Michael Jordan

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He’s famous for being cut from his high school basketball team. He turned out to be the greatest basketball player but never let failure deter him.

Jewel

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Before becoming the multi-platinum singer Jewel, she lived on the streets after losing her job.

“I ended up homeless because my boss propositioned me and when I wouldn’t sleep with him he didn’t give me my paycheck,” she said.

“I got kicked out of where I was living and my rent was due that next day.

“I thought ‘Well, I’ll live in my car for a minute… get back on my feet,’ but I had bad kidneys and I never could hold down another job because I got sick so often. I didn’t have insurance and ended up almost dying in the parking lot of an emergency room because they wouldn’t admit me because I didn’t have insurance.

“I ended up homeless for about a month and I went back to singing.”

The Beatles

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They were rejected by many record labels. In a famous rejection letter  the label said, “”guitar groups are on the way out” and “the Beatles have no future in show business”.

After that the Beatles signed with EMI, brought Beatlemania to the United States, and became the greatest band in history.

Oprah

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One of the inspirational stories that really motivated me the first time I read about it was the success story of Oprah. Oprah is one of the most popular TV icons nowadays and she is also one of the richest women on our planet but this is not how her story began. Do you know that Oprah was fired from her job and was told that she was not fit for TV earlier in her life?

Oprah spent the first six years of her life living with her grandmother wearing dresses made out of potato sacks. After being molested by two members of her family and a family friend, she ran away from home at age 13. At 14, her newborn child died shortly after he was born. She went back to live with her mother, but it wasn’t until her mother sent her to live with her father that she turned her life around.

She got a full scholarship to college, won a beauty pageant —where she was discovered by a radio station — and the rest is history. The Oprah name became an empire, and according to Forbes she is worth billions.

Theodor Seuss Giesel

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Dr. Seuss gave us Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham. Books every child reads. At first many didn’t think he would succeed. 27 different publishers rejected Dr. Seuss’s first book To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.

Colonel Sanders

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The founder of KFC. He started his dream at 65 years old! He got a social security check for only $105 and was mad. Instead of complaining he did something about it.

He thought restaurant owners would love his fried chicken recipe, use it, sales would increase, and he’d get a percentage of it. He drove around the country knocking on doors, sleeping in his car, wearing his white suit.

Stephen King

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His first book Carrie was rejected 30 times and he threw it in the trash. His wife retrieved it out of the trash and encouraged him to resubmit it. The rest is history. He has sold more than 350 million copies of his books.

Steven Spielberg

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He applied and was denied two times to the prestigious University of Southern California film school. Instead he went to Cal State University in Long Beach. The rest is history…

J.K. Rowling

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Twelve publishers rejected the manuscript! A year later she was given the green light by Barry Cunningham from Bloomsbury, who agreed to publish the book but insisted she get a day job cause there was no money in children’s books.

In the early 1990s, Rowling had just gotten divorced and was living on welfare with a dependent child. She completed most of the first “Harry Potter” book in cafes, as walking around with her daughter, Jessica, was the best way to get her to sleep.

The “Harry Potter” franchise has become a worldwide success and J.K. Rowling is now worth an estimated $1 billion dollars.

Credits: http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/education/failures.htm

http://www.businessinsider.com/formerly-homeless-people-who-became-famous-2012-6?op=1

http://www.2knowmyself.com/inspirational_stories_of_successful_and_famous_people

Tre’s Kitchen – LOBSTER FETTUCCINE WITH PESTO WHITE WINE BUTTER SAUCE

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WRITTEN BY TRE SAUNDERS (UNCLE DUDES) FACEBOOK

LOBSTER FETTUCCINE WITH PESTO WHITE WINE BUTTER SAUCE

1-lb Fettuccine

1- lb Fresh Lobster Meat

½ – Cup White Wine (something you would enjoy drinking)

½- Cup Italian parsley

2 – Table Spoons Chopped garlic

½- Jar of Capers

2 – Table Spoons of Butter

1 ½- Cups of hot pasta water

2 – Table Spoons of PESTO (Jared is just fine)

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Optional. Small broccoli florets

Boil pasta until Al Dente 12-13 minutes

Blanche Broccoli until tender

(Note if the mixture is to dry, add a splash of the pasta water that you have set aside, to 
loosen the dish up. Still has a snap to it.)

Saute garlic with lobster for 3-4 minutes

Deglaze lobster and garlic with the wine and butter garlic, pasta, broccoli capers, pesto and parsley in one pan.

Then toss together lobster, Drizzle with EVOO

Top with roughly chopped basil and Parmesan cheese and enjoy.

Uncle Dudes

Swedish_poser

Catering

Contact Tre @ FACEBOOK

Tre’s Kitchen- Post Mother’s Day Meal (Crawfish & Crab)

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Written by Tre Saunders (Uncle Dudes) Facebook

Well you want to start with:

 4 quarts of water 2tbs of salt,

 2 lemons cut into quarters,

 1 package of crawfish boil seasoning.

 Bring that to a rapid boil.

 One lb of crawfish, 1\2 lb of crab legs (snow or king)

3 lbs of new potato cut in half, corn on the cob cut in half or 1/3.

And spicy Andouille Sausage.

Boil the potatoes first once the potatoes are fork tender take them out of the water and server them.

Then put the rest of ingredients into the pot and return to a rapid boil for 10mins.

After remove the ingredients from the water pill and enjoy.

“You, Me, and The Internet.” – John D. Aguon

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By John D. Aguon @lttlgnt

So much has happened.

SO much has happened since my last entry.

I’ve been on crazy whirlwind, riding up and down life’s proverbial roller coaster. I love it though. I owe a lot to the masses. Seeing all of your updates. Sally got a new job. Bob got married.  There are People moving on up, even some of you to the east side. Seriously though, I owe a lot to the lives people broadcast online. For some reason I tune in. I see all of your success whether it is exaggerated or not. It fuels my gas guzzling fire! Well, I’ve been on the opposite side of the spectrum. John can’t afford rent. John needs a job. John could be a massive failure.

It was a dark place.

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Very dark and I owe it to the Internet.

What are we doing?  Sometimes I wonder what my life would be without the World Wide Web, constantly updating my every move. Trying to live up to the Facebook standard of living. Don’t get me wrong; I’m the first to admit that I LOVE broadcasting my whereabouts. The Burger joint I claimed to have found. The hike or if you’re going up Runyon, the gradual uphill walk I conquered. You can’t forget the infamous “ I took a picture with a celebrity, and we’re now best friends” Photo.

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But, the other day I realized something. I was having just a normal bad day, with a normal headache with a side of normal laziness, when I pulled out my iPhone and started scrolling through my photos. I found a sick picture from a few weeks back, of an awesome time I had with some friends, and of course with a flattering angle (you know high angle make you look skinnier). I filtered the picture, typed in some positive caption and went on to live my normal bad day.

Soon enough.

Blah blah blah, “likes your photo.”

So and so, “likes your photo.”

Finally, I realized. No one REALLY knew how I was living my life. No one knew that I lost my apartment, I lost my job, and I lost my dignity.

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Once again, I owe that to the Internet.

But, it’s not all a shit storm. It propelled me to actually living the life I project for everyone to see. I hit the pavement. I got on my feet again and found an incredible apartment and I’m now working for a place where I can say my career can finally grow.

I have to say; there is a light that Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites shines. Seriously though, throughout my life I’ve met some interesting people and rather than drifting apart through the distance and the years, Its pretty awesome to know that there’s a place where I can see little glimpses of your daily lives, triumphs, and families.

I appreciate you all.

I owe it to the Internet.

Check out John’s work @ Vimeo & Youtube

Crossfit & Poetry – Burpees + D.H. Lawerance (What would you fight for?)

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This is the Sound of Pain…

I am not sure I would always fight for my life.

Life might not be worth fighting for.

I am not sure I would always fight for my wife.

A wife isn’t always worth fighting for.

Nor my children, nor my country, nor my fellow-men.

It all deprnds whether I found them worth fighting for.

The only thing men invariably fight for

Is their money. But I doubt if I’d fight for mine, anyhow

         not to shed a lot of blood over it. 

Yet one thing I do fight for, tooth and nail, all the time.

And that is my bit of inward peace, where I am at one

         with myself.

And I must say, I am often worsted.

Are you a Funny MotherF’er?

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Come to Open Mics Every Fridar Night at the Hollywood Improv @ 5pm

 8162 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90048

Hit up Mychael for more info Twitter @manthonycomedy