by Ryan Fu •
Tonight’s episode of True Blood wasn’t that bad, especially when I had a choice of watching TB or the Breaking Bad marathon. I watched a couple of episodes of Breaking Bad reminding how much I missed this television series. I wondered if I would have the same feelings when True Blood finally makes its final departure this summer. Tonight’s episode was all about letting go of the past and enjoying every second you have time left on this Earth because it’s a short ride.
In the opening scene of the episode Eric finds away to extend the ride a little longer by taking a bite of “The Cure,” Sara Newlin. He gets cured right away leaving Mr. Gus in happy place because he’s going to make new True Blood but not pure TB because it doesn’t make good business sense because it’s all about profit for him. Unlike, Sookie because all she wants is to make Bill feel better but I’m not sure Bill wants to be cured because he knows he has to stop this vicious cycle of pain and suffering.
Other shit happened on the show like we finally found the reason why Tara kept trying to contact her mom, which was to tell her she was sorry for not killing her father because he caused so much pain for her and her mother. Tara wants her mom to quit punishing herself and to finally let go of her because she wants her to live her life. This was quite the opposite of Jason’s former flame, Violet because all she wants is to cause suffering to everyone.
As we can see in a scene when Violet captures Jason and brings him to her awesome sex dungeon with Jessica along with the others. She ties up Jason, telling him the horrible things she is going to do to him along with his friends because she is still angry at Jason for betraying her. But lucky for them Hoyt comes to save the day by shooting Violet, causing her True Death. In the aforementioned paragraph above, I totally believe Bill Compton actually wants his True Death unlike the unfortunate Violet.
I believe Bill wants this vicious cycle of pain and suffering to end because in his mind it won’t stop when he gets better. Throughout the season Bill kept reminiscing about his past lives, which he knows if he continues this path, it will only lead him to more pain. Unlike, the character of Walter White on Breaking Bad, Bill knows that he has to die because that’s the only way to stop all the pain and destruction. Walter White on the other hand, wanted to live for as long as possible even though he knew that it was going to cause more harm than good. This whole season I was on the fence if I actually cared about Stephen Moyer’s character, in which this episode opened my eyes about how deep Bill is. Unlike all the vampires, who are trying to do anything possible to live longer, Bill is alright with dying. In his mind, he has lived a long life and this ride has to stop eventually. There’s only two episodes left of True Blood, so I suggest you follow Bill’s advice and enjoy one of the best shows on TV while you can because it’s coming to an end. Also, please live your life to the fullest because once again, it’s a short ride.
First off, it wasn’t the greatest season finale I’ve ever seen in my life but it was still good after a season of highs and lows of Halt and Catch Fire. They finally got want they wanted but they paid the price for it as they lost a few team members, most notably Cameron as she leaves Cardiff Electric to open her own company. But at least they created something, which Gordon is totally happy about but I’m not sure Joe is content about their creation as we see his destructive nature in this episode. I’m not sure if the title was just coincidental or the story just happened in the 80’s but you can interpret the episode was about George Orwell‘s 1984, in which the government is trying to control everyone’s future by fear and control. But just like in his classic novel people are bound to rise up because you can’t stop the future as we see in this episode.
I loved the opening scene with Donna and Gordon as they are still dealing with the fallout of Donna’s choices. By far the best acting was from these two as success can solve a married couple’s problem momentarily as they finally see the fruits of their labour from what they created as Gordon gets a piece of the company, a brand new car with a new suit and a shave. But Gordon still doesn’t trust Joe which he shouldn’t as we find out later in episode, so he and Donna hatch a plan out to control Joe but he didn’t even have do it because Joe was going to go with Gordon’s plan because he had no other options because he’s not a creator.
Donna and Gordon finally see success but is it enough to save their marriage or their souls. Donna happily quits her job at Texas Instruments and just gets high eating Oreos at her house, being bored out of her mind. After a car jack scare, she starts to realize she wants to do more with her life as she joins Cameron’s new company, The Mutiny. Gordon is feeling the emptiness after all his success as we see him in the board table with his lackeys trying to figure out what’s next?
Joe MacMillan is unfortunately in the same position he was in the beginning of the series, which he is still lost and looking for answers. Everyone around him has progress so much but he has not as Cameron bluntly tells him,
“You’re not the future. You’re a footnote. An echo. You’re still that little boy that was thrown off the roof by your mom. Just wasted potential.”
This was the first time Joe didn’t have a snappy comeback because he realized she was totally right about everything. This leads him to question his own existence and question what he actually did in the projection. Which lead him to do what he does best, which is destroying the things he creates as he lights the Cardiff Electric trunk on fire filled with the Giant. In the last scene, we see Joe go on a spiritual adventure trying to figure out who he is or maybe he is still trying to find his estranged mother but either way I can’t wait for season two when he makes his comeback because this can’t be the end of the story for this strong-willed character.
Speaking of a strong-willed character, Cameron Howe shows that she could be a great leader as she starts her own company, The Mutiny with former coders from Cardiff Electric. Her character has a great arch from a person, who had know idea what she wanted to do with her life into a person, who has the vision of the future and now is in charge of people as well as her own future. I just believe the speech from her former boss, Bosworth, just stuck with her as he put people with the money are going to take credit for the future but the credit goes to the people who actually created it. They can’t stop the future. You can see Cameron is done with people telling her what to do in her great speech to her new crew,
“A lot of people want us to fail because we are the future.”
Just like the Cameron, Halt and Catch Fire proved to it’s early doubters that this show can live up to it’s potential. I personally loved watching the series but then again I’m a nerd, so I would basically watching anything, where the characters talked about code all day. Regardless of that I can’t wait for the next season of HCF and I hope this series inspired a few people to create their own “Giant” or start their own “Mutiny,” because potential is finite and the future is coming fast, in which you can’t stop. You either be a part of it or get the fuck out of the way!!!
Art by JadeDragoone
Even after all my shit talking about how sub-par the first couple of episodes of this final season of True Blood, it finally just hit me that there only a couple of episodes left. I’m actually feeling kinda sad that it’s not coming back next season even though they are running out of ideas, I still feel sad that it’s not coming back. So, this appropriately entitled episode “Maybe the last time,” quite possibly is the last time will see these great characters. My feeling of sadness was probably due to the fact that they killed Sarah’s hot sister Amber but at least we got to see the return of Hoyt. Everything is coming to a end, in which every character on True Blood is preparing for and we should too because this could be the Last Time.
After finding out last episode that Bill has the advance stage of the virus, Sookie calls in a vampire doctor to help Bill, but come to find out that Bill’s condition might be caused by Sookie’s blood royalty. So, she calls for her fairy grandfather for help but gets denied in the end as her grandfather tells her that magic can help sometimes but not this time. So, Sookie decides she is going to stay will Bill until the end and gives him the “fairy nookie,” one last time.
Jason Stackhouse is also trying to get a piece of the nookie from Hoyt’s new girlfriend as Hoyt returns to Bon Tom to see to his mother’s death. Hoyt still doesn’t remember Jason so he doesn’t realize that they have a history together. Jason’s knows this history to well as he tries not to replay the past again by boning Hoyt’s new GF. But I have to admit that microbiologist might be to hot to resist but Jason might not get a chance to ruin Hoyt’s life again because his crazy ex – Violet is planning her revenge by capturing the Sheriffs fairy daughter with her boyfriend in her sex dungeon.
One person I would have loved to see in a sex dungeon was Sarah’s sister, Amber, but she saw the True Death this episode after Eric saw a piece of Sarah in Amber. Before her untimely death, she told Eric and Mr. Gus that Sarah is ‘”the cure.” Mr. Gus decides to make a deal with Eric that if he captures Sarah and not kill her, they will save him making an anecdote for vampires as they will make new “True Blood.” Eric is hesitates to take the deal because he doesn’t just wants to kill Sarah but Pam pleads with him to take the deal, which he does but I’m not sure you can trust an Asian with a 10 gallon hat with snake skin boots.
Whatever happens in the end you can bet that Sarah Newlin will get what she deserves, which might be already happening because she is starting to lose her shit. Fantasizing about Jason Stackhouse, her late vampire husband and her recent spiritual guru. In her fucked up vision, everyone tells her that she’s going to die tonight but they want her to decide which religion she would chose, which of course Sarah Newlin would selfishly chose herself but I like what the writers did right here especially with the conflict in the Middle East, it’s nice to know even vampires are feeling the affect of the situation in Gaza.
Watching True Blood right now sorta feels like the last days of Summer Camp, which you know you are going to have to say goodbye to all your friends eventually but you just want to live in the moment for as long as you can. I’m done critiquing this show about how its suppose to live up to my own standards of True Blood in which I’m going to stop as I try just enjoy the show and love the ride. Because in the end, it’s just a fucking show and what matters most is if you were fucking entertained by it or not, which I still am.
Listen, I’m not the guy to give relationship advice from because I was a lazy boyfriend but I do remember one of my criticism from girlfriends I’ve dated was that a relationship is all about giving and taking. Apparently, I was doing most of the taking and not much of the giving. Another criticism of mine was I wasn’t trustworthy especially around their hotter girlfriends. This week’s episodes of Marriage and You’re the Worst deals about all the shit I just talked about above and anal play. (You know you like it!)
Russ’s wife decides it is better for them if he gets a vasectomy because she doesn’t want any kids anymore but Russ still wants to have sex with her, so he was willing to go Lord Varys aka The Spider! Russ is starting to show that he is a good guy but he’s not that smart but at least he loves his wife.
You’re the Worst
Jimmy shows that he is defiantly a commitment-phobe when Gretchen asks for a key to his apartment in which he gets all weird about then snoops on her phone after she left it at his pad. Jimmy is still not sure what he is doing in this relationship but at least he is showing signs that he is willing to give it a chance with Gretchen by giving her the key to his apartment.
Lina is super excited that Russ is cutting off his boys in order she can’t make anymore demons anymore. She treats Russ to “hotel sex” in which they finally bone and get some satisfaction!
Gretchen really wants a key to Jimmy’s pad because she feels like they’re getting closer. She even gives him a pass when she finds out that he was trying to snoop on her phone. At her birthday party she finally feels comfortable with her relationship with Jimmy telling her friends including Jimmy’s ex that she is “banging” Jimmy.
Blow Job, Missonary, Doggie Style. Anal Play. Very Satisfied.
Shower head anal play. One Blow Job. No intercourse but kinda still satisfied.
Once again, the friends on Married are so much cooler than the You’re the Worst buds. Especially, when we figure out that the other Married couple, Jess ’s husband is the great Paul Reiser from Mad About You. They get into a heated sexting situation with another married couple, which was fucking hilarious.
I think they finally resolved one of their problems by getting a vasectomy because they don’t have to worry about having another child.
Jimmy and Gretchen are just going through what all new couples go through, trying to figure out if they can trust each other. It is definitely harder when both of them don’t believe in relationships but I got a feeling if they keep being honest to themselves and each other they might have a better shot in being a couple than other people who are honest to one another.
Three episodes in with Married and YTW, I’m still pleasantly surprised about how both shows are still great things to watch on television. I hope they continue to create fascinating and intriguing shows for all us to talk about the following day. Also, if I ever decide to be in a relationship again I will try to be a better boyfriend by giving more and trusting more. But these are just words, in which actions speak louder. Right now as it stands, I’m still as my ex’s would put it, “The Worst!”
Do you know how to turn an ordinary text message fifty shades of hot? Are you a sextpert sexting expert? Probably not. But we have your back! Here are 10 tips for becoming the best sexter you can be.
1. Use as many emojis as possible, since small Japanese ideograms of poodles and fax machines are scientifically proven to arouse desire.
2. If someone asks for a photo of your breasts and you’re not interested in sending them one, use keyboard symbols to paint them a picture instead. (o)(o)
3. Cosmopolitan suggests that you not give too much away in your sext and that you keep your wording subtle. Their example: “I just bought something, and I think you’ll drool when you see me in it tonight.” This is great advice. You never want your partner to know if you’re bringing home slinky lingerie to turn her on, or a VHS of The Sound of Music that you plan to reenact until she falls asleep.
4. Keep it short and sweet! This isn’t a novel! Try sending just the word “ovary” or a quick message reading only “pituitary gland.” Your partner will get the idea.
5. Guys might have a hard time understanding female anatomy, so put your sext in words he can understand. Try “I have a gargantuan boner right now” or “you’re making my balls sweat.”
6. Victorian men were really into women’s ankles. Keep it spicy and send a sinful snapshot of the whispy hair on your big toe.
7. Another sample line from our friends at Cosmo: “I can’t stop thinking about last night. I’m definitely ready for round two.” This one works because it leaves something up to the imagination. Are you talking about round two of sex? Maybe. Are you talking about round two of watching Mad Men and eating chips? Probably.
8. A recent study revealed that 24 percent of US consumers between the ages of 50 and 75 have sent “intimate” messages through text, email, or photo messaging. Ask your grandparents for help drafting a tantalizing message about genitalia.
9. Keep it realistic! Askmen.com suggests that you “not say anything via sext that you don’t plan to do in real life.” A super steamy message might say something like “Let’s kiss for a while until I remember I left clothes in the washer and I have to get out of bed before they go moldy,” or “I can’t wait to get busy tonight unless you ate Chinese food and you’re feeling gassy.”
10. Ever fantasized about going to town on each other in public? Send your sexts over twitter or instagram! Send thousands of them!
Apply these tips to keep your love life spicy and your phone records incriminating. Get to sexting, you sexy sexter!
Credit: The Gloss
What constitutes a relationship? Is it a piece of legal document that recognizes you and other person are in a business/relationship or is it a unspoken feeling you have towards another human being? At one point do you realize this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life or just for a couple of weeks? These are the just a couple of questions people who are married or single have to ask themselves every single time they are in a relationship. In this 2nd episodes of Married and You’re the Worst tries to answer these questions about what it means to be in a relationship?
Russ is feeling the pressure of another thing (new puppy) getting in the way of spending more time with his wife. After realizing the expensive cost of treating his new puppy he asks his newly single friend for money, which he does but he has to hang out with him at his former wife’s engagement party. His friend doesn’t even go to the party taking Russ back to his old house, reminiscing about his old life with his family with some hired hookers. Russ realizes that he and his wife need to take some time away from their own lives and spend quality time just by themselves.
You’re the Worst
Jimmy realizes he might lose whatever he has with Gretchen after his rude remarks about her period, which was pretty funny at the time. But Jimmy feels he needs to get out of his comfort zone taking Gretchen out to a fancy restaurant but that backfires on him when his ex shows up with her new husband, leading Gretchen to ditch Jimmy quickly. Jimmy finally finds her in a creepy alley drinking by herself, finding out from her it was all a misunderstanding, she wasn’t offended by his remarks about her period. Jimmy totally looks like he has no idea what he is doing but it might be a good thing for him because it looked like he was in a rut before Gretchen plus how bad can it possibly get? Oh, right. He might fall in love, if he isn’t already.
Lina is just exhausted of taking care of everyone in her family including her new puppy. But at least she gets to unwind with Russ’s BFF drinking and dancing with younger men. I feel she needs the vacation more than her husband.
Gretchen is taken a back that Jimmy wants to spend more time with her especially his remarks about her period because she is not the “relationship type” at all. As we saw in the first episode she tells Jimmy, “that this shit scares her,” which she had to tell Jimmy again this episode but reassures him that everything is cool and she knew what she got herself into with Jimmy. I feel like she’s not ready at all be in a relationship but it’s cool that you can find someone who also feels the same way.
Sex-less shower scene. Two hookers kiss. Mad Frustrated.
Masturbation, which lead to “blue balls.” Def. Mad Frustrated.
No comparison, the friends on Married are so much cooler than You’re the Worst buds. They do blow and hire hookers out of the blue, Winner Circle.
Money, the mortgage, the kids and the rest of the problems that go with a marriage. You’re not in a relationship with one person anymore, so have to worry about other people, which leads to more responsibilities and more stress. Sure, a quick getaway might relieve the problem for a week or two but you still have to deal with it when you come back.
Just realizing if you’re in a relationship or not is the biggest problem I can tell when you’re a single person. It’s hard to act one way when you don’t know what you mean to the other person. If you both parties agree on what they want this “so-called relationship,” it might be more beneficial to both parties. But simple put it’s not easier when you’re single dealing with relationships.
A great follow up episode from both Married and You’re the Worst, which is leading me to re-evaluate my own thoughts on being in a relationship whether you’re married or single. It just seems like that are no easy quick fixes and if you care about the person you’re with then you are willing to be patient to solve your problems. If not, I think its best just to move on and cause more misery to another person ;)