by Ryan Fu •
Do you know how to turn an ordinary text message fifty shades of hot? Are you a sextpert sexting expert? Probably not. But we have your back! Here are 10 tips for becoming the best sexter you can be.
1. Use as many emojis as possible, since small Japanese ideograms of poodles and fax machines are scientifically proven to arouse desire.
2. If someone asks for a photo of your breasts and you’re not interested in sending them one, use keyboard symbols to paint them a picture instead. (o)(o)
3. Cosmopolitan suggests that you not give too much away in your sext and that you keep your wording subtle. Their example: “I just bought something, and I think you’ll drool when you see me in it tonight.” This is great advice. You never want your partner to know if you’re bringing home slinky lingerie to turn her on, or a VHS of The Sound of Music that you plan to reenact until she falls asleep.
4. Keep it short and sweet! This isn’t a novel! Try sending just the word “ovary” or a quick message reading only “pituitary gland.” Your partner will get the idea.
5. Guys might have a hard time understanding female anatomy, so put your sext in words he can understand. Try “I have a gargantuan boner right now” or “you’re making my balls sweat.”
6. Victorian men were really into women’s ankles. Keep it spicy and send a sinful snapshot of the whispy hair on your big toe.
7. Another sample line from our friends at Cosmo: “I can’t stop thinking about last night. I’m definitely ready for round two.” This one works because it leaves something up to the imagination. Are you talking about round two of sex? Maybe. Are you talking about round two of watching Mad Men and eating chips? Probably.
8. A recent study revealed that 24 percent of US consumers between the ages of 50 and 75 have sent “intimate” messages through text, email, or photo messaging. Ask your grandparents for help drafting a tantalizing message about genitalia.
9. Keep it realistic! Askmen.com suggests that you “not say anything via sext that you don’t plan to do in real life.” A super steamy message might say something like “Let’s kiss for a while until I remember I left clothes in the washer and I have to get out of bed before they go moldy,” or “I can’t wait to get busy tonight unless you ate Chinese food and you’re feeling gassy.”
10. Ever fantasized about going to town on each other in public? Send your sexts over twitter or instagram! Send thousands of them!
Apply these tips to keep your love life spicy and your phone records incriminating. Get to sexting, you sexy sexter!
Credit: The Gloss