Unfortunately, I’m not in this category. Although this is the time of my life where I have had the most confidence, however it is growing every day, and I am so happy about that, it is important to be proud of who you are.
Growing up I had cero confidence. I am serious! There was nothing. I was insecure about everything. What I said, who I was, how people responded to me. It was horrible.
Being the fat kid in school, really ruined a lot for me. People would make fun of me and stay away from me. And that made me so ashamed of myself. Also being gay made me a lot insecure, because I needed to hide it.
And my lovely parents who have fucked me up several times through my life, of course also have a part in this lack of confidence. Never giving me credit, always mentioning my flaws etc. Hate them.
Then I lost 50 kilos and was the skinniest kid in school, which also made me insecure, especially because I felt fat.
Therefore, I have always cared so much about others opinion, never been proud of myself, never really had something to fight for, because I just wanted people to like me, and I would do anything for them to do that.
However, when the bulimia started to develop, something happened. I started letting people go, getting rid of the people who was not nice to me, and when I started at the psychiatry it only grow on me. I started to accept who I was, and that I actually was a great person, and I realized how many people treated me like rubbish, and that I just stood by, watched them do it.
I think I just had enough, because then I just started speaking up, and I had a feeling that I was right to do this, and that people should not treat me like this. And now nobody can be rude to me without me speaking up. Which is awesome. I am so proud of myself, and in general of the person I am. I know that I am a great person, that I’m cleaver, that my opinion matters. And to the fuckheads who don’t agree with me on that, I only have one thing to say, #¤%&%¤####FUCKING##***¤%&/#”%”%”%”%
But a place where I don’t have any confidence, is how I look, I think I’m fat and ugly, no matter what people tell me. Of course this is the eating disorder speaking, but it still is so hard, not to feel attractive.
Which leads me to “outside confidence”.
Outside confidence is your appearance. And because I still have cero confidence on my appearance, I do a lot things to feel a certain kind of confidence.
I wear makeup, I use a lot of hair and skin products, I buy expensive clothes, I wear men’s perfume. And I am almost always wearing a jacket.
I know you should be proud of how you look no matter what, but I am not. But these things help me. If I am wearing these things, I have a bit more confidence, and I think we should do what it takes to feel confident because like I said, it is one of the most important things in the world.
But then again we shouldn’t care about what people think. Because fuck them!! We are who we are, and no one can change that, and if some fuckhead thinks he knows better, fuck him. There is a lot people out there, and surely, one of them most love us as we are.
The most important confidence is the confidence on the inside. If you don’t care what people think of you, you are strong.
Learn to be comfortable with who you are. If not on your looks then at least of the person you are. You are who you are and if people are sending out a signal that you not are terrible to be around. Teach yourself to embrace this signal. Not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to be nice to you. What scares people, who think they are better than everyone else the most, are the people with a strong confidence. They fear people, they know does not give a shit about their opinion. So why not give them something to be scared about?
A thing I’ve learned is that it is physically impossible, to change your entire self-imagine in just one day. It may take a long time, different from person to person. But as mentioned before it is extremely important to have this strong confidence. So what do you do? You simply fake it until you make it.
That is something that has helped me lot! If I don’t feel the confidence, I fake it until I make it. Until I believe in it.
Have confidence, be proud of who you are, because you are the only one who are you, and that makes you special.
Lets be proud together!!
All the best – R
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A confidence crisis is triggered by setbacks like losing an important business order, break-up of a valued relationship or losing a job. When this happens, even a small thing can send you over the edge, creating an unwanted crisis. To protect yourself from such a situation, you need to take control of yourself, and your life.
You must learn to ignore external stimuli. Don’t be affected by what people say or are likely to say about you. More important, you should not be worried about failure. Believe in the old adage that you cannot win always. There are bound to be failures, and setbacks in life, despite your best efforts. Take them in your stride. If need be, sleep over your failures. You will wake up feeling good, and confident. Don’t hesitate to let others know that you can handle your affairs. This will build your self-confidence.
Maintain a diary, and note down all positive things that happen during the course of the day. You will be surprised to note the number of positive things that are happening around you, which you missed earlier. This will help you think positively, and dispel your doubts. This will also break the stranglehold of negative thoughts that had lowered your self-esteem, and generated doubts about your abilities and skills. Repeat to yourself every day that you are getting better at what you do, and feel the difference.
Take some time to think about your relationships. If a friend is having a bad influence on your self-confidence or if the relationship is more of a burden than a pleasure, you are better off if you stop meeting that person. Instead, try to build new relationships with people you like and admire, and who are supportive of you. Ideally, form a group of supportive friends and give them your support in turn. This will do your self-confidence worlds of good.
Stop wasting your energy on things that can go wrong. Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen. You will realize that it is not the end of the world. Focus on the subjects over which you have control and reduce your exposure to events over which you have little or no control. Monitor your internal dialogue, and silence the negative voice that keeps criticizing you.
A useful strategy is to visualize a situation that bothers or worries you. Jot down these points. Think of people who have successfully crossed these hurdles, and ask yourself if they could do it then why can’t I? Think of yourself as someone who is brimming with confidence, and is ready to take up the challenge. Make this a habit. You will find that you too can overcome these obstacles.
Self-confidence is more than a simple state of mind. It also flows from your physical well-being. Regular exercise adds to your energy levels and makes you feel fitter and confident. Similarly, dressing well adds several notches to your self-confidence. Even simple things like sleeping well will make you feel better. In contrast, drinking to drive away you woes will add to your unhappiness.
You must also learn to speak up. When you hesitate to speak, you are doing yourself a great disfavor. Very often, you become a prisoner of your shyness. You want to speak, but your shyness does not let you do so. This eats into your self-esteem and self-confidence. Don’t allow this situation to continue. Always remember that you may know more than your colleague who is the centre of attention because he has a view on every subject. Others may find your views more interesting if only they heard them.
Also, don’t think that you can change your fortunes overnight. It takes some time to change things. What is needed is your belief in yourself. It is a great help in overcoming any confidence crisis.
Check out other articles from Dave Dyer