Intelligence Team by Ryan Fu (Happy Independence Day!!!)

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“I’m never drinking again,” said Seth.

As we tried to get our shit together after another night of debauchery with the crew inside C.I.C (Combat Intelligence Central) still pretty drunk from the night before. Good thing C.I.C was a dark place with the latest high-tech gadgets monitoring terrorist activities around the world but I was just super glad there wasn’t any bright lights to show any incriminating evidence on our faces.

“Seth, do you have a black eye?”

 “What? When the hell did that happen.”

“It was probably when you got punch by that gay Arabian guy at that super gay club,” said Skuba. 

“What?” from a very confused Seth.

“Listen. I did want tell you but when you get black out drunk you kinda turn gay, which is cool, I mean we don’t ask but don’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, you pulled us into this real dark club with bunch of Arabian dudes making out then you got into fight with this really hairy dude with his shirt off talking about marrying his camel or something,” said Skuba as he was eating a bag of tuna.

“What the fuck?” said Seth. 

“Oh yeah, I remember now it was right after we got kicked out of our hotel because we trashed our whole floor.” 

“Are you sure it wasn’t after we started a fight with those Army cunts at Planet Hollywood,” asking Skuba.

“Wild Turkey should be banned from public consumption,” said Seth having a look of regret.

“Why the hell are you eating that bag of tuna?” Looking at Skuba.

“Because dolphins are smart and it’s making me smarter,” confidently said by Skuba.

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 “You do realize Dolphins don’t eat themselves,” as Seth eats a bag of oats trying to put some kinda of food down his stomach.

 “Is that why you’re eating that bag of oats?” I ask Seth.

“Of course not. I’m a thoroughbred. I need oats to feel strong,” stuffing half a bag of oats without water down his mouth.

“Duh asshole. I’m a dolphin, Seth is a horse and you’re an asshole,” said Skuba eating his bag of tuna.

What the fuck is the matter with us as I thought looking my crew inside Combat Intelligence Central, which at the current moment the most intelligent thing about the room was all those expensive machines and certainly not the monkeys working on them.

“Alright stop with the tomfoolery,” shouted the Captain as he stepped into C.I.C as we stand in attention. Our cap was a former linebacker for “The” Ohio State University, which he was still big as a fridge and still aggressive as fuck. I respected him a lot but I could not shake off his Tom Selleck mustache. I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame, which I kept thinking what he would like in a Hawaiian shirt?

“Listen boys, these men are our high target priorities for this month. Please study these faces because they are Axes of Evil.”

As the Captain put up America’s Most Wanted on the War Board, I just kept thinking he’s perfect man for this post because we are a bunch of babies, who need a spanking but I just wished Steve Guttenberg was here to help us out. Fuck Ted Danson! 

“Your job men is explore, identity, evaluate, implement then execute. We are the architects that plan out the master plan then we execute putting the hammer down!”

We stand in attention again after that motivating speech as the Captain leaves C.I.C.

“You guys know what the hell Her Alibi was talking about,” asking Skuba.

“I think he was telling us get more tuna and oats at the commissary, then get some ice cream,” as Seth throws up his oats at the nearest trash can.

“I’m never drinking again,” said Seth holding the trashcan like his baby.

RYAN FU

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The Truth Hurts – The Most Dangerous thing for Women

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Knowledge is Power – You are what you Eat

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Poetry Mondays – 90210 by Ryan Fu (The Hated Ones)

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I fucking hate everyone here.

This whole city

can go to hell.

These old money,

trust fund fucks

with their lip injection

fake smiles.

More evil than

Jabba the Hut

with their botox shots,

treating everyone like cunts.

These men with their

power suits,

power lunches,

money is power types.

Guarded

&

protected by

high walls with racists pigs,

which even Mr. Orwell

would’ve been horrified with.

Keep hiding behind

your glass houses.

Cause I see through you,

I see all your cracks.

When the “Big One” hits

I hope it strikes here first,

swallowing this whole place

back down to hell.

If there is any justice left in the world,

it will happen.

If not, I’ll just keep

praying to Satan.

RYAN FU

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Case of the Mondays – Do you have Bitchy Resting Face?

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What is Bitchy Resting Face? Urban Dictionary describes it as a bitchy alternative to the usual blank look most people have. This is a condition affecting the facial muscles, suffered by millions of women worldwide. People suffering from bitchy resting face (BRF) have the tendency look hostile and/or judgemental at rest. Their expression does not necessarily reflect how they are feeling inside. BRF can ruin friendships and first impressions, start fights and kill an atmosphere.

“I think Deborah hates me!!”, “Nah don’t worry Susie, she just has a nasty bitchy resting face”

“That customer just lectured me on customer service and threatened to take her business elsewhere! What did I do wrong?” “Prob just your BRF”.

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NFL player, Josh Robinson compared gay marriage to Pedophilia and Incest – Give us your thoughts on his comments?

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According to SI, Minnesota Vikings cornerback Josh Robinson compared gay marriage to pedophilia and incest in a series of Twitter posts on Friday following the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marriage. 

The landmark Supreme Court decision effectively legalizes same-sex marriage in all 50 states. The Court’s 2013 decision ruling the crux of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional and subsequent decisions from lower courts laid the groundwork for Friday’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. 

While a number of athletes praised the Court’s decision, Robinson questioned whether the logic that has led to the legalization of gay marriage could also allow the justification of pedophilia and incest. 

Give us your thoughts on his comments?

Rose McGowan’s agent drops her for criticizing Adam Sandler’s project – Do you think it’s right? Is Hollywood sexist?

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According to the LA Times, on Thursdaythe Wrap broke the news that McGowan’s agent, Sheila Wenzel, had parted ways with Innovative Artists on Monday. According to the outlet’s sources, once Wenzel was gone, the agency did not want to continue repping the actress.

McGowan, who has been wrapped up in the excitement around the June 21 release of her short-film directorial debut “Dawn” had gone public in a no-big-deal way with some advice that’d been included with a script for a project starring Adam Sandler.

“casting note that came w/script I got today. For real. name of male star rhymes with Madam Panhandler hahahaha I die,” she tweeted on June 17.

The note: “-Please make sure to read the attached script before coming in so you understand the context of the scenes. -Wardrobe Note: Black (or dark) form fitting tank that shows off cleavage (push up bras encouraged). And form-fitting leggings or jeans. Nothing white.”

A few days later, she tweeted an explanation of her reaction. “I was insulted by the instructions to ‘read the script for context.’ Hahaha.”

“I just got fired by my wussy acting agent,” the actress tweeted Wednesday night, “because I spoke up about the” — let’s call it the hooey — “in Hollywood. Hahaha. … #awesome #BRINGIT”

Do you think she should have been fired from her agent? Is Hollywood sexist?

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Are you too Nice to the point where you’re a Pushover? Being Too Nice might lead to Depression

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Businesswoman Yelling Loudly into Another's Ear --- Image by © Smart Creatives/Corbis

Businesswoman Yelling Loudly into Another’s Ear — Image by © Smart Creatives/Corbis

The dictionary defines the word Nice as an adjective to be pleasing; agreeable; kind. Characterized by, showing, or requiring refined manners, language, etc.

Being too nice means you’re at a point where people take advantage of you.

There is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring. To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain people’s approval. I know, it’s easier said than done. But no one said it’d be easy.

Those who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often their actions are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered. For over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also thought that it didn’t matter what I thought. That my opinion was less important than anyone else’s. It seemed as if I was always living someone else’s life. Check out the whole article about depression with the link below:

http://wakeup-world.com/2015/06/18/being-too-nice-can-contribute-to-depression/

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be nice to people but don’t be a pushover.

Do you ever feel like you’re too nice to people?

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Dogs before Hoes – Girlfriend demands boyfriend to get RID of Beagle (Would you ever let go of your pets for someone?)

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When Reddit user Getzen moved in with his girlfriend, he had no idea just how much she disliked his little Beagle, Molly.

She actually disliked her so much that she demanded Molly be re-homed which would clearly be devastating to both Getzen and Molly. After a bit of thinking he decided to post an ad on Craigslist. After reading through it things will start to make sense.

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Would you ever let go of your pets for someone?

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Real Talk – An Emotional Jon Stewart Drops the Comedy to Talk Charleston: ‘We Still Won’t Do Jackshit’

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Jon Stewart apologized to his audience tonight for not having any jokes for them, as he just dropped the comedy to get serious about Charleston. He said, “I honestly have nothing, other than just sadness.”


“By acknowledging it,” Stewart pointed out, “by staring into that and seeing it for what it is, we still won’t do jackshit. Yeah, that’s us. That’s the part that blows my mind.”

He contrasted how the U.S. does whatever it can to protect everyone from foreign threats, but has an “eh, what are you gonna do?” attitude to domestic threats.

Stewart brought up the racial wounds being opened in Charleston, especially invoking how South Carolina still flies the Confederate flag and has roads named for Confederate generals.

He sarcastically added, “And the white guy’s the one who feels like his country’s being taken away from him.”

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