MAKE A LIST.
Sometimes we are depressed simply because we are overwhelmed with all the things we have to do that we haven’t gotten around to doing. You might be into GTD, but sometimes every GTDer falls behind with his system, and sometimes you just don’t have the energy to do so. So all the “stuff” that’s in our head can overwhelm us. Start simply by picking up a piece of paper and a pen, and making a list of the most pressing things you have to do. Sometimes it’s work stuff, sometimes it’s stuff around the house that’s bothering us, sometimes it’s goal tasks, or a combination of these and more. Simply making a list can be a big relief — you’re getting things under control. You can see, right in front of you, what you need to do, and that alone can pick up your mood.
You’ve made a list, and you still feel overwhelmed? Well, get started on the first thing you need to do. Is it a big task? Break it down and just do the smallest task, something just to get you started. Once you get started, once you get into action, you’ll feel better. Trust me. You might still feel overwhelmed, but at least you’re doing something. And once you start doing something, you’ve got momentum, and that feels much better than lying around feeling sorry for yourself.
I know, you might not be in the mood for exercise. But just do it! Taking a walk, going for a run, going to the gym, whatever it is you do for exercise — get out and do it now! You don’t need to do a real hard workout, but the simple act of exercise can lift your mood immediately. Just do it!
SHOWER AND GROOM YOURSELF.
Laying around in your underwear, smelling bad, is not going to do you any good. Simply showering, and feeling clean, can do wonders for your mood. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, shave, do whatever it is that you need to do to feel clean and good about yourself. Instant pick me up!
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DO SOMETHING.
Sometimes, if you stay home lying around, feeling depressed, just getting out (after showering and grooming) will change your mood. Staying home all the time can really get you down, and you may not realize this until you go out and do something. Preferably something on your list (see No. 1).
PLAY SOME LIVELY MUSIC.
I like Brown Eyed Girl, the Kinks, the Ramones, or an upbeat Beatles tune, but you might have your own brand of feel-good music. Whatever it is, crank it up, and let yourself move to the beat. It may just be what the doctor ordered.
TALK ABOUT IT.
Got a significant other, best friend, family member, co-worker you can talk to? Bend their ear. That’s what they’re their for. If you don’t, there are hotlines, or professionals, you can talk to. And then there’s always online forums. These are great places to find someone to talk to. Getting things off your chest makes a big difference, and can be a huge lift. It can also help you work out the reasons you’re feeling down.
Credit: Zen Habits
(The bulk of the material for this blog post came from my original post entitlePassive Aggressive Behavior, The Truth Will Set You Free. This has consistently ranked as my most popular post in terms of views.)
I used to troll a message board. I describe this in my recently published eBook entitled Shame and Internet Trolling. I targeted a conservative, ex-military guy from Texas. All I had to do was post an article that put the Republican party in a bad light and that would set him off on a vicious anti-Liberal rant. It felt exciting to get him riled up. When he accused me of trolling and / or baiting I would defend myself saying that all I did was post an article I thought would generate interesting conversation. Because I did not comment on the article directly I maintained plausible deniability. It was fun to get him riled up but when he attacked me back I felt horrible. I had to get the last word in. I could not let him get the better of me. Sometimes other members on the message board would take his side. Then I would feel even worse.
The truth is that trolling and all passive aggression comes from shame. If I really felt the article was valuable in and of itself I would have advocated for it. But instead I tried to maintain deniability to protect myself from counter attack and maintain the illusion that I merely posted the article to stimulate discussion. Shame based behavior such as passive aggression comes from a mind that assumes that its true thoughts and feelings are not okay. If somebody else were able to observe these thoughts and feelings they would judge the mind harshly so the thoughts and feelings must be hidden and denied. To the shame based mind image is more important than reality. Of course this mindset is ultimately undermining and self-defeating. Reality is real (by definition). If the mind values image over reality it is in a sense denying reality and at odds with it. This results in more shame and anxiety to boot.
In the Book of John, chapter 8, verse 32, Jesus says, “[T]he truth shall make you free.” In the context of this post this statement is very powerful because shame (the motivation behind passive aggression) is a prison of untruth and unreality. In order to escape the prison of shame the mind must face its highest fear, to expose the truth within to the light of day and for all to see and judge (if they choose to) without excuses. This is a very tall order for someone who suffers from shame. I speak from personal experience and in my experience just as this prison takes many, many years to build and perfect it also takes some time (though not as much) to be torn down. The fear of exposure must be approached with caution and the waters tested gradually over time so that trust of the outside world is built up. Further, and most importantly, the shame based mind must learn to not abandon itself in the face of shame. I used to involuntarily say, “I wish I was dead” to myself whenever I felt shame or embarrassment. Then I would feel bad about what came out of my mouth. Now, when I experience shame or embarrassment I try to be aware of what is going on inside of me and then I say, “I can love myself through this experience.” I have more capacity to let myself off the hook. The reality of the situation is that shame is just an emotion and all emotions are real and okay. They have to be otherwise the one who feels the emotion is not okay. It is difficult to emerge from shame and appreciate this at first. But doing so brings forth the dawn of liberation for a shame based person and when this happens behaviors like passive aggression begin to fade away.
Check out other great articles from Winston Scrooge
WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE?
We’ve read the stories. We’ve seen the articles. Some even know other people who have been victims or even rarely, the perpetrators. The Cambridge Advanced Learners Dictionary defines sexual abuse thus: the activity of having sex or attempting to do so with a child or old person or someone who is mentally ill, against their wishes or without their consent. (Paraphrased)
There are many parts to sexual abuse. It could be violent, taking on the characteristics of rape and other sexual offences. It could be done by deception of the victim. The common thread running through all sexual abuse cases however, is that the abuse is done without the person’s freely given and fully informed consent.
It should be noted that this despicable crime is not committed only by Nigerians/ Africans. It’s a very common problem even in developed countries. The America-based Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) estimate actually that there are 207,754 victims of sexual abuse in the U.S every year. Of this number, 44%, that is, approximately 91,412 people are under 18. The act of sexual abuse is a universally reviled one. But its existence cannot be denied. Proof and victims of it abound everywhere. It is hard to believe and even harder imagining sexual abuse happening to a family member or close acquaintance. But it does happen and quite often in fact.
As the Bible in Jeremiah 17:9 stated: the human heart is the most deceitful of all things, who can know it?
Not all victims of sexual assault and violence are girls. Boys can also be sexually assaulted or raped. In most cases of sexual offences, the initial response is to blame the victim, especially if that victim is female. Anything; her dressing, her appearance, her attitude, will be used as proof/ justification that she, somehow, brought it upon herself. In cases of sexual abuse, particularly in those ones that have very little children as the victims, it is very important not to do this, or, to let anyone else do it to them. Also, please report the perpetrator or if you don’t want to attract undue attention, cut all the person’s communication and access to the child. BUT DO NOT BLAME THE CHILD! This is very essential especially in Nigeria because so many parents here would prefer to beat the children and blame them for the molestation, unwittingly and sometimes, knowingly, allowing the child predator to continue molesting the child.
IT IS NOT THE CHILD’S FAULT.
If no one is ever blamed for getting shot by armed robbers, why should a child be blamed for the actions of a person who is probably older than they are and expected to be more responsible? Why should a young female child, who has not even reached puberty, be beaten because she was sexually assaulted by someone else? In the case of male child victims, do NOT ignore it either or tell them to handle it “like a man”. They are not men, they are children.
The healthy course of action is to pray for the child(male or female), comfort the child(male or female) and let them know that you are there for them and that it was NOT THEIR FAULT, get them counseling and cut all ties with the perpetrator, no matter how close. If you suspect the perpetrator might do it again, warn the parents of the intended victims or best yet, report him/her to the police.
You simply cannot tell a child sexual predator by looking. Approximately 2/3 of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance. In Nigeria especially, with lesson teachers, house helps, friends and family friends’ e.t.c having close contact with your child, it’s important to trust your instincts and God’s leanings as to the person’s character. Note also, if a child displays a strong continuous dislike of someone, question the child about their relationship with that individual and do not dismiss the answer or the child, immediately. This creates the impression in the child’s mind that you sanction the act.
Pedophilia is a mental disease. It is also very significant to note that most pedophiliacs were unchecked victims of sexual abuse themselves. They usually need mental therapy but while they are getting that, keep them away from your children!
If you discover a paedophiliac or rapist, try to avoid physical confrontation. Instead, report them to the police and then insist they get mental help. Going to the police is the preferable option but life being what it is, and sentimental and emotional attachments being what they are, sometimes there is a need to follow up the police report with an insistence on mental health therapy, treatment for sexual addiction and a reintroduction into the society and an introduction/re-introduction to GOD.
Because GOD said in Isaiah 1:18- “…THOUGH YOUR SINS BE AS SCARLET, I WILL WASH YOU AND THEY SHALL BECOME AS WHITE AS SNOW”
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